Seven Days: Vermont's Independent Voice

WED.07 :: THU.08 :: FRI.09 :: SAT.10 :: SUN.11 :: MON.12 :: TUE.13 :: WED.14

PHOTO: JEB WALLACE-BRODUER

LARC ARENA, MORRISVILLE, SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 9 A.M. – NOON.

“Just wait until Tuesday,” said curling instructor Brian Brgant, 52. “That’s when you’ll feel it.” He was talking about the muscle pain resulting from our first-ever curling lesson.

For two hours the red team — Sasha, 25; Ray, a 73-year-old optometrist with a plastic hip; and one horribly out-of-shape reporter, 54 — crouched on its collective haunches, learning how to launch a 42-pound granite missile across the ice. We also ran up and down — more of a mincing little backward jig, actually — the playing “field,” sweeping frantically along the way.

“Why do we sweep?” asked our other instructor Mike Sitko, who resembles a young Rich Little. “To reduce friction,” he explained patiently. “The stone goes farther and straighter.”

Our opponent, the blue team, was made up of Clarence, 22; Kathi, 53; and Blythe, 45. They, too, crouch-ed, launched and swept.

“Balance is important — you want a fluid motion,” continued Brgant, out on the 32-degree ice and wearing a tam-o’-shanter.

It took us a good half-hour to get the hang of not falling over during the launch. We looked like we were sailing to Valhalla as we pushed off with the right foot and glided a dozen foot or more. In the left hand we held our sweeping broom for physical, and moral, support. On the left feet we wore sliders — slick plastic pads that attach to the sole. Most of one’s body weight rests on this moving platform. The slider-free right foot is used for traction and drags along rather limply. With the right hand we clutched the handle of the curling stone, named so because it curls — much like a curveball — toward its target: home.

When the stone was launched gently, the balancing act was easier. “Use a light grip, not a death grip,” advised Sitko. “You are not holding on for dear life.” That, of course, was what he thought.

Curling, we learned during the PowerPoint-assisted classroom session, originated in Scotland. It’s a little like bocce, shuffleboard, horseshoes, bowling, golf and pool, except it’s played on ice, and the entire body is put into motion.

“This is a gentleman’s kind of game,” suggested Sitko. “You are not supposed to be crafty.”

By noon, we had played three “ends,” and each of us had experienced about eight successful launches and swept a couple thousand strokes. Though few points were scored by either team, there were no casualties on the ice, despite Kathi’s prediction of ending up on her ass. She didn’t, and was a perfect lady throughout the game.

PATRICK TIMOTHY MULLIKIN

scene@ George Carlin (published exhibit 10.31.07)
scene@ Haunted Tower (published exhibit 10.24.07)
scene@ VYCC Fundraiser (published exhibit 10.17.07)
scene@ "Gertrude Stein and Fascism" (published exhibit 10.10.07)
scene@ Oktoberfest (published exhibit 10.03.07)
scene@ Tsukimi Moon-Viewing Party (published exhibit 09.26.07)
scene@ "bird dog" training (published exhibit 09.19.07)