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Before Orgasm, Why Do I Feel Like I Have to Pee? 

Dear Athena,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. We've been best friends for five, and he's the best ever. However, when we have sex and he goes down on me and it feels absolutely amazing, I start squirming, and then I get this "I'm going to pee" feeling. I get so self-conscious that I have to make him stop. He reassures me each and every time that it's not pee, but I simply can't get over it; I feel as though I'm going to pee. Any suggestions?

Also, I recently got off my birth control, and I feel as though that made me less aroused. Is that possible? I've been off my pill for about eight months and I'm finally getting the arousal back, but definitely not like I was when I was 17, 18, 19. Any suggestions on that?

Thanks,

Afraid to Let Go

Dear Afraid,

First things first: Make sure to empty your bladder before you get frisky.

I have a friend who says the moment she arrives home from work and puts her key in the door, she has to pee. Perhaps you've got something similar happening here — the moment before you climax, your bladder wants to be free and clear. So pee before sex, and you should be A-OK.

But it's also possible you don't need to pee — some sex positions simply put pressure on the bladder, simulating the urge to urinate. Or perhaps your body is just preparing for some serious orgasm action. Ever heard of female ejaculation? Women who squirt are often initially confused about whether they're coming ... or going. But whatever they were doing when it happened, they were doing it right!

Either way, emptying your bladder first should give you the peace of mind to let go during this amazing oral sex you're having. Orgasms are best when you're not holding anything back — whether that's pee or inhibitions.

When it comes to going off hormonal birth control, there can be a lot of unexpected side effects — everything from weight fluctuation to change in sex drive. Fun, right? Talk to your doctor if low arousal continues to be an issue. Other medications or prescriptions can hijack your libido, too — that's another question for the doc. And keep in mind that stress can also be a major bedroom buzzkill. If you're dealing with any extra tension right now, find healthy ways to relieve it, like exercising, reading or gardening.

Here's the good news: Your boyfriend sounds like a supportive and enthusiastic lover. And the years of connection you've shared provide a strong foundation for getting through this little uncomfortable phase — and coming out stronger.

Yours,

Athena

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