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Can My Boyfriend Take Viagra Daily? 

Dear Athena,

I'm a gay man in a long-term relationship with another gay man. I like being anal passive, and he likes being a top. However, neither of us is satisfied with the frequency — it's about once a week. We'd like to do it once a day. The problem is his slowness in getting to erection — sometimes it just doesn't happen, and he's terribly ashamed. Would it be OK if he used Viagra on a daily basis?

Signed,

Daily Sex, Please

Dear Daily,

Right on! I dig your mutual "More sex, please!" attitude. It sounds like you and your boyfriend have a great thing going, and more sex will likely sweeten the deal. First off, I can't prescribe or recommend any drugs to anybody; I'm not a doctor. Your guy ought to get a diagnosis and a prescription before he starts popping pills. He may not actually be struggling with erectile dysfunction. What else could be at the source of this "slowness"?

Maybe committing to a daily sex sesh is too much pressure — and pressure can be a total bedroom buzzkill. How about starting with three days a week? When you get into a nice little groove, take it up to four, and so on. Don't rush to add more days until you're both ready. A roll in the hay every day is kind of a big deal in the way of lifestyle changes, so take it slow. And be careful about creating too rigid a schedule. Believe it or not, even sex will get old if you take the spontaneity out of it. You don't want it to feel like washing the dishes.

And for those moments when it's just not happening, chill. Sure, it's a bummer to miss out on booty, but your partner most certainly feels worse to be letting you down. Try to be empathetic. Move on to something fun and distracting. Make dessert. Turn on your favorite comedy. Take your time before you try again. Or share an activity that is intimate but not necessarily sexual, such as dancing, cuddling or going for a romantic walk. If you're feeling sexually stifled, take a run or a long, cool shower.

Strong relationships grow stronger through tolerance and a whole heap of kindness. If you can accept each other exactly as you are — on the days that feels effortless and the ones that challenge you — anything is possible.

Yours,

Athena

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