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First-Time Jitters 

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...

Dear Mistress,

I’m only 21, and I know being a virgin is not a big deal. I know I shouldn’t be in a great big hurry to have sex. But the thing is, I think I want to. I’m really curious, not to mention horny. Sometimes I kind of want to get the whole virginity thing out of the way. I have fantasies all the time, and trying to satisfy myself just isn’t cutting it. But other times, I know that if I just have sex with the first guy I meet, I may end up regretting it. Plus, if I do end up going to bed with someone, I’d feel sort of nervous revealing that I’m a virgin. Please help.


Curious but Confused

Dear C but C,

Being anxious to lose your virginity is completely natural — sex can be fun, exciting and empowering. That said, just because you’re curious doesn’t mean you have to rush. If you’re patient, it will happen when the time is right. Keep in mind, having sex for the first time can be awkward, clumsy and emotional — you don’t want to give it up to just anyone.

The best-case scenario is having your cherry popped by a trusted friend or love interest with more sexual experience than you. He’ll be able to educate you while being patient about your first-time fumbling. To that end, it’s important for you to disclose your virgin status. Sex is best when both partners are open and honest. Plus, taking someone’s V-card is kind of a big deal; he should have all the info before hopping into bed with you. And when the big moment arrives, use protection. You don’t get a pass on sexually transmitted infections or unwanted pregnancies just because it’s your first time.

One last thing: You say “trying” to satisfy yourself isn’t cutting it. Are you able to bring yourself to orgasm? If not, embark on a journey of self-exploration — I assure you, your first time with a partner will be much more satisfying if you can show him what gets you off. If going solo isn’t working for you, go online and order one or two sex toys that appeal to you. Masturbation should be fun and exploratory — and it might help keep the urges at bay until you find the ideal partner.

In virgin territory,


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About The Author

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve wrote a weekly advice column on love and lust from September 2007 until January 2014.


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