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Mistress Meave

Hello Mistress,

My girlfriend and I have been having sex for a few months now, and we are both enjoying it. I am writing to you to find a solution to a problem we have been having. When we have intercourse, it can be painful for her, whether I am two inches inside or fully in. I try to have her relax, but she tells me there is pressure and/or it's painful. I am not "huge," so it's not like I am causing the pain (I hope). There are times when I can slide my finger in slightly, and she says it hurts. What is the cause of this? What can be done?

We try to have sex, but it never really lasts more than 10 minutes, due to the pain. I am plenty patient with her, but I want us to both be able to enjoy it. Please help!



Dear Jack,

Rest assured, you're not the one causing the pain. What I find interesting is that you're the one reaching out for help. Your lady clearly has a concerning issue, and I'm wondering why she's not seeking help.

While some intercourse pain can be easily remedied with more foreplay, lube or a switch of positions, her issue seems to be more severe. If she's having deep vaginal pain as well as pain closer to the vaginal opening, I strongly urge her to see a physician immediately.

The pain she's experiencing could be a number of things, from pelvic inflammatory disease to vaginismus - a more emotional condition that makes the muscles of the vagina spasm, often caused by prior sexual trauma. She could also have a sexually transmitted infection, so you need to keep yourself safe. If she won't go see a doctor, I advise you to think twice before continuing your sexual relationship with her.

Good luck,


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Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve wrote a weekly advice column on love and lust from September 2007 until January 2014.


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