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Hit the Lights 

Mistress Maeve

Dear Mistress Maeve,

Even though I know all of us women are supposed to love our bodies and not care what society says, I can't help but feel self-conscious. I don't think I'm any more or less self-conscious than most of my female friends, but I just can't seem to get over my fear of being naked in front of the men I date. I've been single and dating for a couple years, and when it comes to getting intimate, I always insist upon turning out the lights. Having sex in utter darkness is just ridiculous, yet I can't seem to get over it. I can tell it disappoints my partners, and I want to change. Do you have any tips for how I can be more confident with my body?


Doing It Dark


Dear D.I.D,

Unless you're some type of superhero, impervious to the powers of the media and its constant barrage of images of the unattainable female form, feeling self-conscious is a normal occurrence. But you have to remember - if a guy is in bed with you, he's already decided you're attractive, and a little cellulite here or a jiggle there isn't going to change his mind. Besides, if you don't care that he's not a perfect cross between Brad Pitt and Vin Diesel, what makes you think he's judging you so harshly? The reality is that his judgments aren't casting you into the darkness; your own self-critique is.

You don't need to lose weight or get plastic surgery to step into the light. Instead, focus on valuing your body the way it is - try yoga, meditation or even therapy to get centered. The closer you get to yourself, the more apt you are to allow others closer to you.

In the meantime, try some soft candlelight - it's alluring and extremely forgiving. If you want something a little brighter, why not invest in some sexy lingerie? Believe me, a well-fitting corset draws his eye to your assets while hiding a multitude of sins.

Lighting up your life,


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About The Author

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve wrote a weekly advice column on love and lust from September 2007 until January 2014.


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