Pin It

How Can I Learn to Boss Around My Boyfriend in Bed? 

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I am hoping you can help me with something that has recently come up with my boyfriend. A couple times while we were having sex, he would say things like, “Tell me what to do” or “What do you want me to do?” I thought he was just being polite and encouraging me to ask for what I wanted. As it turns out, he was actually asking me to command him. The other night, he shared with me that he fantasizes about me bossing him around in bed. I am open to trying it, but I don’t really know where to start. I think I could get over my stage fright if you could give me some beginner’s tips!


Commander in Briefs

Dear Commander,

Kudos to your man for sharing his fantasies with you — it’s not always easy to admit to our desires. Turning up the dominance doesn’t have to be a big production — corsets, riding crops and thigh-high boots are optional (but encouraged). Instead, start small. The next time things are heating up between you, command him to strip off every piece of your clothing, slowly (with his teeth, if you so desire). By the time he’s done disrobing you, he’ll be putty in your hands. The rest is up to you — pick your most favorite way to get off and make him give it to you. Be sure to tell him that he won’t be receiving any pleasure until he has fully satisfied you.

If your guy likes being submissive, he may really enjoy asking your permission to orgasm. When it’s his turn to come, tell him he has to ask you nicely if he can climax. When you sense him getting close, remind him of his task. When he asks, make him say please a couple times before giving him the go-ahead.

As long as both partners are into it, dominance and submission are incredibly hot tools to keep in your tools chest. After your first try at bossing him around, have a recap conversation — ask him what worked for him and what could be better. And make sure you like it, too. Whatever you do in bed should turn you on as much as it does him.

Boss of you,


Fill out my online form.

Got something to say? Send a letter to the editor and we'll publish your feedback in print!

Pin It

More by Mistress Maeve

About The Author

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve wrote a weekly advice column on love and lust from September 2007 until January 2014.


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Seven Days moderates comments in order to ensure a civil environment. Please treat the comments section as you would a town meeting, dinner party or classroom discussion. In other words, keep commenting classy! Read our guidelines...

Note: Comments are limited to 300 words.

Latest in Category

Social Club

Like Seven Days contests and events? Join the club!

See an example of this newsletter...

Keep up with us Seven Days a week!

Sign up for our fun and informative

All content © 2016 Da Capo Publishing, Inc. 255 So Champlain St Ste 5, Burlington, VT 05401
Website powered by Foundation