Solid State

In honor of President Obama's 100th day in office, I reflected on my own past 100 days. Well let's see how I have been doing . . .

Jan. 27: In New Orleans — was raging drunk on Bourbon St. (go figure).

Jan. 28: Didn't do a heck of a lot. See Jan 27th, above.

Feb. 2: Came home to VT and apologized to girlfriend . . . See Jan 27th.

Feb. 3: Bought some flowers.

Feb. 10: Bought some more flowers, and some nice perfume for V-day.

Feb. 11: Decided to stop drinking and/or doing anything that would cause my liver harm. Also, took up Aikido.

Mar. 13: Made a bold decision which allowed me to spend more time in Vermont. A career change, if you will.

Mar. 18: Wondered what President Obama has been up to lately.

Mar.19: Watched President Obama on The Tonight Show

Mar.22: Lamented the fact that it was still bloody cold in VT?! Also was curious if CEO's at A.I.G. and Rick Wagoner play poker together on Saturday nights.

Apr. 1: Had an awful nightmare that a drunken Dick Cheney shot me in the face with a magical potion that made me sneer uncontrollably at anything that was humane and reasonable.

Apr.11: Got up at 4 a.m. to celebrate the 1st day of trout fishing. Stopped fishing after about an hour because I got tired of clearing the ice off my rod and was beginning to see little pink fairies flying over my head - the 1st sign of hypothermia . . .

Apr.15: Tried to think of a job that would make fly fishing tax-deductable.

Apr.20: Tried to see if there was a business market for a roller coaster theme park at Gauntanamo Bay. But then realized that a waterboarding coaster could be a liability.

Apr.22: To celebrate earth day, I wrote to GM to propose the blueprints for a cow shit car in place of the Volt.

Apr.29: Still haven't caught any fish. But I bet neither has Obama . . . well, 'cept for that one old fish.