I'm Romantically Interested in Men but Only Sexually Attracted to Women | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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I'm Romantically Interested in Men but Only Sexually Attracted to Women 

Published August 30, 2023 at 10:00 a.m.

click to enlarge ID219886887 © EVGENII NAUMOV | DREAMSTIME
  • ID219886887 © Evgenii Naumov | Dreamstime

Dear Reverend,

For the past couple of years, I have been starting to realize that I am sexually attracted to females. And just females. I have also been romantically attracted to males, but not sexually. Is this still bisexual? Or is it something else? I've never been able to find something that I feel comfortable with. I'm only a teenager, so it may or may not change, but I'm trying to understand myself and it's really weighing me down.

On the Fence (female, 15)

Dear On the Fence,

You might be surprised by how often I get this kind of question and the age range of the people asking. Years can bring wisdom about ourselves, and you have a lot of 'em ahead of you to figure things out.

"Bisexual" is a broad term that can describe someone who is sexually and/or romantically attracted to members of more than one gender. If that doesn't feel right, you might prefer the term "fluid" or "questioning." If neither of those seems to fit either, try not to pressure yourself to choose a term — now or ever.

Sexuality is a spectrum. Whether you're a teenager or an adult, it's OK not to have a word for where you fall on it. The only thing that's really important is that you're happy with who you are. The questioning you're going through is completely normal, but if it's bringing you down, try finding some people to talk to.

Even if you have friends or family members you can openly discuss the subject with, you might want to expand your circle. Outright Vermont is a great local organization offering, among other things, a social and support group for ages 13 to 19. It meets up every week in real life and virtually. You can find out more at outrightvt.org.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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The Reverend

What's your problem? Need some irreverent counsel on life's conundrums? You can always just "Ask the Rev."


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