The Classic Conundrum 

Hey Mistress Maeve,

Twenty-three-year-old female here with a question about oral sex. I don't wish to be crude, but I don't particularly like to swallow. However, I also don't like to let it fly all over my bedspread. What's a girl to do with a mouthful of spunk? I've tried dashing off to the sink, but I'm worried that ruins the moment. Should I keep tissues by the bed?

What's the proper etiquette here? Maybe it's just easier to stomach it (literally)?

Signed,

Spunky Gal

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Dear Spunky,

Spit or swallow - the classic oral sex conundrum.

You're right: In some instances - like getting it on in a car or in a public place - swallowing is simply the most convenient option. However, if you don't like to ingest his juice, it's perfectly fine to excuse yourself and spill his seed into the sink. A towel nearby is a good option, too - nearly every guy who masturbates is familiar with the "beat rag."

And let's not forget - we have more options than just spit or swallow. If you don't like the taste, consider letting him finish on your chest, face or other body part that turns you on - you can avoid bedspread stains with some skillful aiming and hand shielding. (Just a warning - close your eyes. A shot to the eye stings and can leave you looking like you have pink-eye.)

When it comes to giving him head, forget the etiquette. The only "proper" move here is to do what makes you feel most comfortable. Trust me, if you're giving him oral pleasure, he ultimately won't care where his spunk ends up.

Good to the last drop,

MM