When I Masturbated, My 'Liquids' Smelled Like a Soup I'd Had 

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Dear Reverend,

I noticed during masturbation that my "liquids" smelled like a soup I had eaten earlier. Is this normal?

Minnie Strohn (female, 18)

Dear Minnie Strohn,

There is truth to the old saying "You are what you eat." Whenever I order extra garlic at Papa Frank's, it seems to ooze out of my pores and I feel like a walking roasted clove for the next day or two. The resulting aroma isn't exactly Chanel No. 5, but the garlic is so delicious, I feel the funk is worth it.

Anything you put into your body — food, drink, medications, etc. — can affect the smell, and taste, of your bodily secretions. These include sweat, urine, semen and ... there's not really an appealing word for it, so I'm going to say "lady juice." Depending on the ingredients of the soup and your hydration level and metabolism, smelling like the soup you ate earlier isn't all that unusual.

You're probably familiar with the dreaded "asparagus pee" — the notion that eating asparagus makes your pee smell bad. The odor can occur as quickly as 15 to 30 minutes after ingesting the vegetable. Fun facts: Some people don't metabolize asparagus in the way that causes the smell, and not every nose can pick up the scent. (There's even a term for that: asparagus anosmia.)

I haven't been able to find any scientific studies, but it's commonly believed that eating things like pineapple, citrus fruit, fresh veggies and ginger can make your nether regions smell and taste sweeter. Conversely, ingesting cheese, meat, corn syrup, preservatives, caffeine or alcohol can cause a stronger scent and bitter taste.

Using perfumes and soaps to try to cover up any natural smell can do a number on your vagina's pH levels and cause all sorts of problems. So whether your punani smells like pozole or papaya, it's best to just let her do her thing.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend