Recycled Vibes 

Dear Mistress,

I went through a breakup a year and a half ago. After the dust settled, I discovered that she had forgotten to take the vibrator we bought together. I didn’t contact her to return it at the time because I couldn’t stomach the thought of her using it with someone else. But I also couldn’t bring myself to just throw it away since it was a little over $100 when we bought it.

I recently came across it while packing up to move out of state. The ex and I have tentative plans to meet up for coffee before I relocate — should I bring it to her? At this point it might just be weird to even bring it up. But I still feel bad just tossing it. Is there a recycling program for these things? Should I keep it, clean it and use it for future endeavors? WWMMD (What Would Mistress Maeve Do)?

Yours,

All Vibed Out

Dear All Vibed Out,

I admire your commitment to a green sex life, but like your former relationship, some things are not made for recycling. While there’s a website out there claiming to be a sex toy recycling business, with no phone number or address, I’m afraid it’s a joke.

Some things are meant to be thrown away. Yes, you could sterilize it and use it with another partner — but no amount of sex-toy cleaner can eliminate emotional residue. Plus, I can almost guarantee she has forgotten about the toy. If she made no mention of it during the breakup, or in the year and a half since, I wouldn’t recommend handing it to her over two cups of medium roast at Uncommon Grounds (even if it’s in a reusable shopping bag).

So, WWMMD? It sounds like you’re getting out of Dodge, so why not use this memory-laden vibe as your final kiss-off to Vermont? Make it the last thing you ceremoniously toss in the bin before you shut the door behind you. If you’re seeking a fresh start in greener pastures, you have to be willing to let go of the past, starting with this vibrator.

Vibing with you,

mm

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