If you're looking for "I Spys," dating or LTRs, this is your scene.
View ProfilesBusDriver802, be careful considering it such a simple decision. If that's your decision, ultimately no one can stop you, but at least consider seeking out someone to talk about it before jumping to the conclusion that there is nothing left to live for. Believe it or not, there are people around you who would be shocked and hurt at the fact that you took yourself from them, and they'll wish they could at least had the chance to speak to you as I am now.
Re: “What Stops a Suicidal Vermonter From Buying a Gun? Not Much”
I'm sorry if any of this comes off as preachy or bitter...I really don't mean it that way. I'm saying this all very calmly, and out of nothing but genuine concern for a fellow human being who is going through something very difficult.
Suicide is a very selfish act. You must realize this, because although the act would show disregard for everyone else, you're at least trying to spare one person the pain and powerlessness you know they'll feel.
This is not to try to shame you or pull on your heartstrings, we both know that trying to elicit emotion would only work for a day anyway...if at all. I'm saying this knowing that it's our thoughts that generate our emotions, and maybe if you see the logic in what is being said, you might try to consider another alternative.
Think about how you felt when your brother took his life...how it made you feel, as a helpless bystander. Do you think he considered how you'd feel? Could he have understood the terrible toll it would take on you all these years? Would he have maybe, out of consideration for you, have thought twice about it if he knew that his suicide might later become a deciding factor for your own?
Then read your posts again. Look how many times you use the word 'I'. Suicide only makes sense if you're concentrating on yourself, and completely disregarding others, just as sure as if you were marooned somewhere with your loved ones, for days, and hid away all the food for yourself. The minute you decide to earnestly think of others, it's not nearly as easy or palatable of an option.
Not everyone goes through what you are dealing with, but there is also nothing particularly unique about your suffering. Cognitive therapy works very well, and for me, attending and giving to the church slowly pulled me up (probably because it steered my attention away from 'I' for a bit). Maybe I figured if my life was so worthless I'm toying with ending it, I might as well give it away, and since I'm giving it away it seemed to me that it'd be wisest to make God the recipient. I'm not saying that the paths I've taken will work the same for you, I'm just trying to get you to see past the lie that there are no alternative paths.
Your only true fault is that you are being willfully ignorant of the value you have in the eyes of those around you. You're not here just for yourself.
On the flip side, it is physically impossible to be bitter and gracious at the same time. Look after others less fortunate than yourself, and be thankful for what you do have. It may sound corny and pointless, but don't knock it till you've tried it.