Anal Retentive | Mistress Maeve | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice
Pin It

Anal Retentive 

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...

Dear Mistress,

On the rare occasion that I get super drunk, all I want to do is have anal sex. My boyfriends and hookups have told me that I get demanding and literally try to guide their members into my butt (with no lube, mind you). A couple of guys have tried to accommodate but it hurts like hell, so we stop and I wake up with a sore ass. I have never had full-on anal when sober, so why do I insist on trying it when I’m drunk? Apparently I think it’s sexy in the moment, but really I’m just embarrassing myself.


Anal Retentive

Dear AR,

When you say hello to booze, you say good bye to your inhibitions. Once you’ve had a few, you find anal sex to be as intoxicating as a martini, which indicates that you may have some underlying curiosity — so lose the booze and get down to some sober back-door exploration!

When done correctly, anal sex is safe, fun and fulfilling. When done hastily and without lubrication, it can be painful and dangerous. Grab a willing partner, a box of condoms, a bottle of lube and a copy of Tristan Taormino’s The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. Trust me, this concoction is more potent than a Long Island iced tea and more fun than a sake bomb.

And one more thing — were you using condoms during these drunken hookups? If you’re drinking so much that you’re engaging in risky activities, perhaps it’s time to examine your alcohol intake. It’s all fun and games until someone gets an STI.

Jimmy hattin’,


Did you appreciate this story?

Show us your ❤️ by becoming a Seven Days Super Reader.

Got something to say? Send a letter to the editor and we'll publish your feedback in print!

Pin It

More by Mistress Maeve

About The Author

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve wrote a weekly advice column on love and lust from September 2007 until January 2014.


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Seven Days moderates comments in order to ensure a civil environment. Please treat the comments section as you would a town meeting, dinner party or classroom discussion. In other words, keep commenting classy! Read our guidelines...

Note: Comments are limited to 300 words.

Latest in Category

Keep up with us Seven Days a week!

Sign up for our fun and informative

All content © 2018 Da Capo Publishing, Inc. 255 So. Champlain St. Ste. 5, Burlington, VT 05401
Website powered by Foundation