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January 24, 2001 Arts + Life » Ask Lola

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Ask Lola 

The Love Counselor

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Dear Lola,

I have met the love of my life. The problem is, we can only have “relations” twice a day. The pain from the twice-daily trips to ecstasy leave my lover sore and not able to accept further penetration. Is there a salve or another solution?

— Willing Willie in Williston

Dear Willing,

Oh, you poor, put-upon dear. I do feel your pain. Not to mention your lover’s. As your letter offers no clues about your lover’s gender or the particulars of the impacted orifice, I can’t make any specific product recommendations. But suffice it to say that the market is overflowing with a variety of lubricants and ointments designed to ease the entrance to many a bodily portal. In any event, a better solution — as long as you claim to be so willing — would be to explore some less well-traveled routes to, as you put it, ecstasy. Any moron can insert Tab A into Slot B. Are you imaginative enough to chart your own course?

— Love, Lola

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