Bump on a Blog: Fifty Shades of Green | Page 2 | Kids VT | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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Monday, December 9, 2013

Bump on a Blog: Fifty Shades of Green

Posted By on Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 5:07 PM

Page 2 of 2



Sometimes, on days that started out well, I'd get cocky by dinnertime and attempt to eat something daring. This was always a terrible idea. Now, even the thought of these thwarted meals — massaman curry, vegetarian sushi, lemon risotto, chicken pho and the worst, late-night enchiladas — induces a kind of nauseous PTSD.

click to enlarge Dinner on a great day: salad and chips! - MEGAN JAMES
  • Megan James
  • Dinner on a great day: salad and chips!
As I slept, I dreamed of food: a mile-long buffet table laden with delicacies, mountains of chocolate-raspberry truffles, a bottomless pot of rich, velvety artichoke soup. I made a list of the foods I hoped to eat in the second trimester, stockpiling recipes I could barely read for fear they’d trigger a gag reflex. 

Earlier this fall, as I lay on the bathroom floor for the second time in a day, my husband rubbed my shoulders and reassured me that my hair didn't smell like barf. Great!

Still, my throat burned. I'd burst the capillaries around my eyes and down the edges of my face. So much for the pregnancy "glow." I looked like I had contracted the plague. 

But I didn't just feel terrible; I felt outraged. Why had no one warned me? How had the whole world neglected to mention the very real possibility that the first trimester — and part of the second — would so thoroughly suck? Instead I was left wondering, Am I doing something wrong? Am I just not cut out to be a mother? 

I’ll stop short of trying to find the silver lining in the toilet bowl. Still, there were moments of zen on the bathroom floor. Occasionally I stopped fighting my body and just let it do what it had to do. And when everyday stresses reared up, I tuned them out. My attention belonged to just two things: my body and the little person growing inside it.  

I’m thrilled to be expecting that little person. And now that I'm feeling its kicks and jabs, I'm beginning to fall in love with it. I just wish I could have mentally prepared myself for the unbelievable challenge of creating human life. Here's hoping those mythic cravings kick in soon!

Megan James is the managing editor of Kids VT. She'll be blogging about her pregnancy until the baby arrives — hopefully in early May.

This article was originally published in Seven Days' monthly parenting magazine, Kids VT.

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About The Author

Megan James

Megan James

Bio:
Megan James began writing for Seven Days in 2010, first as Associate Arts Editor. She later became an editor for Seven Days' monthly parenting magazine, Kids VT, and is currently a freelance contributor.

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