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Mistress Maeve

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I'm a fortysomething woman, fresh from a divorce. I'm trying to be smart, taking things slowly, not dating yet (but doing my fair share of flirting). Which leads me to my question. I feel good about my decision not to date right away, but I still have needs. A girlfriend at work suggested that I buy a vibrator. I laughed it off, but I can't stop thinking about it. I've been doing some browsing online, and I'm overwhelmed by the options. Can you make any suggestions?




Dear Curious,

You've come to the right place. If it shakes, shimmies, rotates and does the dishes afterward, I've tried it. With so many styles available, it's easy to feel overwhelmed, but remember: Experimenting is fun!

First, determine whether you want a vibrator that can insert for vaginal stimulation, or would prefer more clitoral action. Some toys offer both, but I suggest starting with a more basic model. If you'd prefer an insertable, what size? With vibes as small as your pinkie finger or as big as your forearm, you'll need to decide whether or not you're a size queen. For your first toy, I suggest going middle of the road - you can always trade up or down later.

If you're more interested in external stimulation, you'll still need to think about size. Do you want something compact that fits in your pocket, or something more like the Hitachi Magic Wand that plugs into the wall?

Next, browse online at reputable sites such as or You'll be able to read helpful user reviews and, in some cases, view informative videos. (Don't get too excited - the people demonstrating the toys are fully clothed.)

As with most things, it's the journey that counts, not the destination. Pick one or two different toys and enjoy testing them! You'll go from curious to connoisseur in no time.



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About The Author

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve wrote a weekly advice column on love and lust from September 2007 until January 2014.


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