How Can I Be Less Shy in the Bedroom? | Ask Athena | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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How Can I Be Less Shy in the Bedroom? 

Dear Athena

Recently my man and I have decided we want to explore more in the bedroom. While it's not new to him, it is to me, and even though some of the stuff he suggests makes me uncomfortable, it also turns me on. I've always been a shy person, but he makes me want to open up. How do I get over my shyness? Suggestions?


Help Me Say Goodbye to Shy

Dear Goodbye to Shy,

Let me start by giving you props. Intimacy can make a person feel pretty naked, literally and figuratively. Bravo for feeling the fear and wanting to go for exploration anyway. This will surely enhance your relationship. Your partner will appreciate your willingness to elevate your bedroom activities despite your reticence. And you'll get to reap all the benefits, too. Nice.

Here are some pointers to help ease your nerves.

• Imagine your wildest sex fantasies — all the time. Already think about sex a lot? Take it to the next level. Whenever your mind starts to wander, bring it back to the bedroom and what you'd like to see happen there. Imagine you and your partner exploring all of your fantasies. Think of him when you scrub your body in the shower, wake up in the morning, pump your gas ... By the time you two are ready to get frisky, you'll be all revved up and ready to go.

• Close your eyes and jump. Sometimes our insecurities in the bedroom come from a fear of being seen. If you're nervous about your body in any way, or if being intimate makes you feel exposed, try closing your eyes. It will offer you a sense of safety. And it will help you focus on your other senses, such as touch — the most important one, when it comes to sex. With your eyes closed, you can give all your attention to how your body feels.

• Trust in your relationship. Your man obviously digs you, otherwise he wouldn't be wanting to up the ante on what sounds like an already tight physical relationship. He's excited to explore with you. Find confidence and pride in that, and it will help you relax into this new and titillating journey you're about to go on together. Take that trust a little farther, and share with him some of your own fantasies. Invite him to try something you find naughty and enticing. It will only bring you closer.

Good luck, and have fun!



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