How Can I Politely Ask My Man to Get Tested? | Mistress Maeve | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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How Can I Politely Ask My Man to Get Tested? 

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...

Dear Mistress,

The guy I’m seeing told me that he had a sexually transmitted infection in the past. I volunteer at my campus health center — handing out condoms and making sure my fellow students know the facts about STIs — so I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I feel apprehensive to have sex with him. I’m turned off that he was irresponsible enough to contract something. How do I express my discomfort to him without seeming like a total jerk, and how do I know if it’s safe to have sex with him? I mean, I know the facts, but it really comes down to trust, right?


Clean and Simple

Dear Clean and Simple,

Kudos to him for being up-front with you about his sexual health — many people aren’t as forthcoming. He likely felt comfortable telling you because he sees all the safe-sex work you do on campus. Your guy is not a leper because he had an STI, so if you like this guy, it’s time to practice what you’ve been preaching to your fellow students.

Before you hit the sheets with anyone new, it’s a good idea for both partners to swing by campus health services to see a doctor and get tested for STIs. As far as what to say to him, go for honesty, but with kindness. Thank him for being up-front and honest with you about his sexual past, and let him know that it really got you thinking about how important it is to be safe and healthy. Ask him to follow your lead in making an appointment for a full checkup before getting intimate. If he’s mature and worthy of having sex with you — and it sounds like he is — he’ll have no problem waiting a little longer for the results to come in.

And remember, just because you’re both clean doesn’t mean you shouldn’t continue to practice safe sex and use condoms, at least until both of you pledge to be monogamous.



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Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve wrote a weekly advice column on love and lust from September 2007 until January 2014.


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