I Want More Sex, My Boyfriend Prefers Porn | Ask Athena | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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I Want More Sex, My Boyfriend Prefers Porn 

Dear Athena,

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other on and off for three years in a long-distance relationship. When we get together, I like to be intimate daily, if not twice a day. My boyfriend does not. However, he loves porn. I'm OK with that, but not when he's more into porn than me. What can I do?

Signed,

Less Porn, More Me

Dear Less Porn, More Me,

Sex twice a day! I like your style. It's too bad he's not into it. That would be a dandy arrangement, considering you don't see each other very much.

The question here is, how can you get him on board? And is he worth the work?

Have you directly verbalized that you could use more hanky-panky? When you come on to him, does he flat-out reject you in favor of watching porn? If so, it's possible that he has reasons you could understand or be sympathetic to. Maybe he's feeling too much pressure during your short time together, and the stress of performance takes away from the fun. Or perhaps he's experiencing a loss of libido or stamina, or difficulty sustaining an erection. If that's the case, maybe he views porn as the only way he can share intimacy with you.

There may be a compromise here. If it's a physical issue, he could see a doctor. Otherwise, perhaps he'd be willing to perform more oral sex, and you could volunteer to watch more porn with him. Something to think about...

But I have to say: I'm not confident this guy is for you. If you want more sex and he doesn't — regardless of the reason — that's not a good fit. You two have been on and off, and long distance, for three years. Why is that? It sounds like there might be other reasons the relationship isn't ideal.

You don't see each other often enough to waste precious sex time. If you feel unsatisfied, it would serve you well to find someone who shares your lust. Life is short; you should enjoy as many rolls in the hay as you want while you're here.

Yours,

Athena

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