Ask Athena: I Want to Watch My Wife With Another Man | Ask Athena | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

Seven Days needs your financial support!

Ask Athena: I Want to Watch My Wife With Another Man 

Dear Athena,

My wife refuses to explore my fantasy of letting me watch another man loving her. What do I do? She always refuses my requests.

Signed,

Party of Three, Please

Dear Party,

Cue the laugh track. Are you kidding me? You're telling me you can't think of one reason why your wife might not be into the idea of getting it on with another guy — while you're watching?

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for sharing your innermost desires with the person you love — but this fantasy is a tough sell. For most, having sex with someone else when you've promised to be monogamous is a bold and daring move.

Perhaps she hasn't articulated for you why this doesn't appeal to her. So let's imagine: Maybe she takes her marriage vows seriously and genuinely wants to be only with you — 'til death. Maybe she's scared that if she sleeps with someone else, she'll like it and not want to do it with you anymore. (Didn't think of that one, did you?) Maybe she doesn't want to feel like she's on display or being exploited. Or all of the above.

Also: How long have you been asking her, anyway? Since she's "always" refusing your requests, and all. Shot in the dark here, but I'm thinking it might be time to give this up.

Listen, you can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. If this is your big-time fantasy and she won't deliver, invest in some porn or rethink your to-do list. Here's an idea: What's she into? She might enjoy trying something bold and daring of her own that, perhaps, will fulfill your need for adventure as well.

Ask her about her fantasies, and then listen to understand and get to know her better — not just to get what you want. Deep connection can lead to deeper intimacy. Maybe you won't be inviting guests into your bedroom, but I'll bet you two can find a way to meet somewhere in the middle.

Yours,

Athena

Got something to say? Send a letter to the editor and we'll publish your feedback in print!

Comments


Comments are closed.

Since 2014, Seven Days has allowed readers to comment on all stories posted on our website. While we’ve appreciated the suggestions and insights, the time has come to shut them down — at least temporarily.

While we champion free speech, facts are a matter of life and death during the coronavirus pandemic, and right now Seven Days is prioritizing the production of responsible journalism over moderating online debates between readers.

To criticize, correct or praise our reporting, please send us a letter to the editor. Or send us a tip. We’ll check it out and report the results.

Online comments may return when we have better tech tools for managing them. Thanks for reading.

Keep up with us Seven Days a week!

Sign up for our fun and informative
newsletters:

All content © 2020 Da Capo Publishing, Inc. 255 So. Champlain St. Ste. 5, Burlington, VT 05401  |  Contact Us
Website powered by Foundation