Ask Athena: I'm Engaged to Be Married and I Don't Want to Do It | Ask Athena | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

Seven Days needs your financial support!

Ask Athena: I'm Engaged to Be Married and I Don't Want to Do It 

Dear Athena,

I am engaged to be married in about two months. I don't want to do it. I know it's wrong, and I've known it for a long time now, but I am afraid to get out of it. So many people have been involved in planning, and lots of money has been spent, but I can't marry him. I just don't want to do it. I know we will be unhappy, because we are now. We try not to be, but we are. I hope this is just jitters. And that's also why I am still with him. What now?

Signed,

Almost Married

Dear Almost Married,

Abort mission! Abort mission!

This sounds like way more than "just jitters." You already know how you feel — why spend thousands of dollars to be sure? Money aside, taking action now will save you, and your fiancé, years of unhappiness and wasted time.

I'm not going to help you find reasons to stay. You already have more than enough reason to leave. You said yourself that you two are trying to be happy. If you can't make it work now, how do you expect that to ever change? Marriage won't fix something that's already broken. Twice you straight-up said, "I don't want to do it." That's all you or I need to know.

Tell your partner right away. You're miserable and, apparently, so is he — or he will be if he marries you and finds out later that you didn't even want to do it. Worst-case scenario: He's totally furious. He might hate you for a bit, or forever. Maybe your parents will be sorry they wrote those checks. Maybe your friends will roll their eyes. Don't let that stop you.

This is your life to live, my friend. Yes, this current situation is a big fat shit show. It sucks that you've wanted out for as long as you have without saying anything. You're scared of disappointing everyone, but the fallout will pass. You won't be sad or embarrassed or troubled forever, but you must face this head-on and say no to these nuptials ASAP. It's OK to change your mind. It's OK to make mistakes. What's not OK is being dishonest to the people who love you — starting with you.

Yours,

Athena

Got something to say? Send a letter to the editor and we'll publish your feedback in print!

Comments


Comments are closed.

Since 2014, Seven Days has allowed readers to comment on all stories posted on our website. While we’ve appreciated the suggestions and insights, the time has come to shut them down — at least temporarily.

While we champion free speech, facts are a matter of life and death during the coronavirus pandemic, and right now Seven Days is prioritizing the production of responsible journalism over moderating online debates between readers.

To criticize, correct or praise our reporting, please send us a letter to the editor. Or send us a tip. We’ll check it out and report the results.

Online comments may return when we have better tech tools for managing them. Thanks for reading.

Keep up with us Seven Days a week!

Sign up for our fun and informative
newsletters:

All content © 2020 Da Capo Publishing, Inc. 255 So. Champlain St. Ste. 5, Burlington, VT 05401  |  Contact Us
Website powered by Foundation