I'm Happily Married but Thinking of Paying for Sex | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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I'm Happily Married but Thinking of Paying for Sex 

Published December 14, 2022 at 10:00 a.m. | Updated December 15, 2022 at 9:12 a.m.

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Dear Reverend,

I'm a happily married man in my sixties, but recently I've been entertaining the thought of hiring an escort to pay for sexual services. I've never done this before, and I'm looking for some advice about how safe these encounters are in a city like Burlington and what I might expect.

Curious in the Queen City (male, sixties)

Dear Curious,

Last year I tried to answer a question about how to find a sex worker (October 13, 2021), and I just about gave my editor a heart attack. Sex work does happen in Vermont, and I'm fairly certain you can find what you're looking for. However, it's an illegal activity, and I can't give advice on breaking laws. Besides, I don't want to send one of my coworkers to the hospital for the holidays.

I'd rather focus on the fact that you call yourself "happily married" in the same breath that you say you're thinking of paying someone for sex. Does your spouse know about this? If they're cool with it, then more power to you. Stop reading and go find your side fling, illicit or not.

If your spouse doesn't know or disapproves, ask yourself why you desire sexual fulfillment outside of your marriage. Do you think that you won't really be cheating if you do it with a professional, because there won't be an emotional attachment? Well, that's just not the case. Adultery is different from an open marriage, and it's not nice, honest or fair — to your spouse or yourself.

There must be something making you unhappy in your marriage. Have you grown apart? Are you bored? These are problems that can be solved, and it seems worth trying to fix the relationship you have so much invested in. If you don't agree, perhaps it's time to evaluate whether you want to stay married.

Before you seek sex elsewhere, you need to either confront the issue with your spouse or cut them loose. Otherwise, I can almost guarantee that you're going to wind up in a big mess and break your partner's heart in the process.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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The Reverend

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What's your problem? Need some irreverent counsel on life's conundrums? You can always just "Ask the Rev."

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