I'm in a Polyamorous Triad With My Husband and His Girlfriend | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

Seven Days needs your financial support!

I'm in a Polyamorous Triad With My Husband and His Girlfriend 

click to enlarge DREAMSTIME
  • Dreamstime

Dear Reverend,

I'm in a loving polyamorous triad with my husband and his girlfriend. (Let's call her Dani.) We do lots of stuff together: cook meals, go on day trips, garden, watch movies. It's a really nice little family dynamic. They're sexual with each other, but I'm not with either. I prefer to date outside our group.

Since the quarantine hit, both my husband and Dani have been unemployed. My husband is high risk, so it has been safer for him to stay home. With the extra unemployment benefit ending, Dani casually mentioned that she wondered who would have to give up their place and move in with the other first if we can't all afford rent. For the record, I have a well-paying job and have been able to work from home during all of this.

Dani has been part of our lives for a year, and we both care very much about her. I'm wondering what financial responsibility we should all feel toward each other? Should I offer to help support her or extend an invite for her to come live with us? Or should she go back to work? If she went back to work, it would drastically alter the interaction she'd be able to have with my husband. Please bestow your wisdom!

Poly in Pandemic Politely Inquiring (Pippi, female, 37)

Dear Pippi,

My first reaction was, "Whatareya, nuts?" — because I can't imagine palling around with someone who is banging my husband. Especially if I'm not banging either one of them. But I'm not one to judge, and I know there are all sorts of ways to be in this life.

That being said ... whatareya, nuts? My gut feeling is that the three of you living together and you offering to support her financially would create a recipe for disaster. You'd basically be living with two roommates and footing most of the bill. I imagine that would get old fast and could lead to a whole heap of resentment on your part. Dani is a grown woman and, if she's able to, should get back to work. If that affects her relationship with your husband, so be it. You and he are married, and that commitment comes first.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

Fill out my online form.
Got something to say? Send a letter to the editor and we'll publish your feedback in print!

About The Author

The Reverend

Comments


Comments are closed.

Since 2014, Seven Days has allowed readers to comment on all stories posted on our website. While we’ve appreciated the suggestions and insights, the time has come to shut them down — at least temporarily.

While we champion free speech, facts are a matter of life and death during the coronavirus pandemic, and right now Seven Days is prioritizing the production of responsible journalism over moderating online debates between readers.

To criticize, correct or praise our reporting, please send us a letter to the editor. Or send us a tip. We’ll check it out and report the results.

Online comments may return when we have better tech tools for managing them. Thanks for reading.

Keep up with us Seven Days a week!

Sign up for our fun and informative
newsletters:

All content © 2020 Da Capo Publishing, Inc. 255 So. Champlain St. Ste. 5, Burlington, VT 05401  |  Contact Us
Website powered by Foundation