I'm Over 40, and I've Never Been on a Date | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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I’m Over 40, and I’ve Never Been on a Date 

Published July 20, 2022 at 10:00 a.m. | Updated July 27, 2022 at 9:21 a.m.

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Dear Reverend,

I'm over 40, and I've never been on a date. This causes me a great deal of anxiety, because although I would like to meet someone and I fantasize about being in a relationship, I don't know where to begin. I'm afraid to put myself out there because I'm worried what people will think of a person my age not having any relationship experience. How do I get past this?

Leone Lee (female, 45)

Dear Leone Lee,

You may be a late bloomer in the romance department, but, as they say, good things come to those who wait. Even someone with lots of dating experience can struggle to meet new people, so you shouldn't fret about being a rookie. Besides, you don't have to reveal that information right away — or at all, if you don't want to.

Dating apps can be intimidating, so I suggest avoiding them for now. Focus less on finding a date and more on making new friends. You may think you haven't honed your dating skills, but if you have friends, you've got what it takes to meet a mate. A romantic partner is really just a friend you happen to make out with.

No one is going to show up magically at your door, so you need to get yourself out there. Look for local groups or clubs to join where you can meet people who share your interests: gardening, bowling, whatever floats your boat. Volunteer somewhere or sign up for a class. Go out on the town to hear some live music. If you aren't comfortable doing that on your own, bring a buddy. Let your friends and family know you're interested in meeting new people.

Cast a wide friendship net. If and when you feel a spark with someone, be ready to fan the flame.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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The Reverend

What's your problem? Need some irreverent counsel on life's conundrums? You can always just "Ask the Rev."


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