I'm Worried I Might Be Gay or Bi | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

Seven Days needs your financial support!

I'm Worried I Might Be Gay or Bi 

Published August 3, 2022 at 10:00 a.m.

click to enlarge DREAMSTIME
  • Dreamstime

Dear Reverend,

I've felt attracted to women for most of my life, but now I'm worried I might be gay or bi. Guys don't arouse me, but sometimes I get nervous around them. When I'm close to a woman, it still feels right, but sometimes I get worried that I'm starting to have feelings for a guy. I'm not sure what's going on. What are your thoughts?

Cautiously Curious (male, 34)

Dear Cautiously Curious,

It sounds to me like you have the occasional man-crush, and that's nothing to be worried about. It's totally natural for a human to be attracted to another human — and sometimes those feelings develop regardless of gender. Besides, gender makes no real difference in the big picture.

I'm technically a straight woman, but Lord knows I've had crushes on dozens of women over the years — I think the first was my third-grade teacher. I've never had sexual relations with any of them. If that does happen someday, so what? As long as we're consenting, enthusiastic adults, it shouldn't be anybody else's business. Same goes for you. Try not to overanalyze your feelings, and just go with your gut.

Sexuality is a spectrum. Nobody is all one thing or the other. As a good pal of mine likes to say: "Everybody is a little bit gay." Of course, the reverse is also true. I'm certain there are boatloads of gay men who have occasional crushes on women, and lesbians who have the hots for men every now and then. In these times, we have way more important things to worry about than who likes whom, and it really shouldn't matter. Labels are only useful at the grocery store, honey.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

Fill out my online form.
Got something to say? Send a letter to the editor and we'll publish your feedback in print!

More By This Author

About The Author

The Reverend

What's your problem? Need some irreverent counsel on life's conundrums? You can always just "Ask the Rev."


Comments are closed.

Since 2014, Seven Days has allowed readers to comment on all stories posted on our website. While we’ve appreciated the suggestions and insights, the time has come to shut them down — at least temporarily.

While we champion free speech, facts are a matter of life and death during the coronavirus pandemic, and right now Seven Days is prioritizing the production of responsible journalism over moderating online debates between readers.

To criticize, correct or praise our reporting, please send us a letter to the editor. Or send us a tip. We’ll check it out and report the results.

Online comments may return when we have better tech tools for managing them. Thanks for reading.

Latest in Ask the Rev.

Keep up with us Seven Days a week!

Sign up for our fun and informative

All content © 2022 Da Capo Publishing, Inc. 255 So. Champlain St. Ste. 5, Burlington, VT 05401

Advertising Policy  |  Privacy Policy  |  Contact Us  |  About Us  |  Help
Website powered by Foundation