Isn't Punching Taking Things Too Far? | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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Isn't Punching Taking Things Too Far? 

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Dear Reverend, 

I met this girl at a bar, and a few days later we went on a date. After dinner, we went to my house for a few drinks. We fooled around for a while, and not long after we started to have sex, she yelled: "Punch me!" I got really uncomfortable and froze up. She called me a pussy, and she left. I feel bad about it, but I'm not used to rough sex. Isn't punching taking it too far?

Gentle Man (Male, 29)

Dear Gentle Man,

It's obvious you didn't take it far enough for her taste, but that's understandable. She committed a big boudoir blunder by dropping the "Punch me!" bomb right out of the gate. Someone who's into that sort of thing should know better, but maybe the drinks went to her head. I bet the evening would've turned out differently if she had playfully suggested a light spanking or a simple blindfold. Her loss, I suppose.

The rough stuff might be fantastic for some, but — as with any sexual activity — it's OK only if everybody involved is on board. Partners need to discuss boundaries and safety before diving into any sort of BDSM. Punching is pretty out there, even for an experienced practitioner. Anything involving the head, face or neck is often considered edgeplay. That's a term for anything that could be viewed as not safe, sane or fully consensual. The definition is very subjective, but the people involved need to trust each other implicitly.

You shouldn't feel bad about freezing up. Actually, you should be commended for knowing and respecting your own limits.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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