My Day at the Beach or Hooking Up Catherine | Hackie | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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My Day at the Beach or Hooking Up Catherine 

This is my favorite time of year to wander around the waterfront. The weather is sumptuous and the summer crowds have dwindled.

I strolled onto Perkins Pier, my eyes focused on the sprawling blue ahead of me, my handy camera at the ready. I am still hoping, once in this lifetime, to spot the great lake monster.

At my feet, I heard a scurrying and looked down. A graying brown chihuahua, the size of a squirrel, paused and gave me the once over before continuing on his way. I followed him and snapped a picture. If Champ does appear today, I thought, this pooch better move away from the water's edge because he would make a tasty hors d'oeuvre for the great beast.

"Peanut, c'mere girl!" a woman called from the benches behind me. The mini-dog responded to her master's voice and headed towards her. I followed.

"Hey," I said, "I hope you don't mind that I snapped Peanut's picture. I thought I might post her on my blog."

"Sure," the woman replied. "What kind of blog do you write?"

"Oh, it's for Seven Days."

"You're not the taxi guy, are you?"

"I am indeed. Are you a fan of the column?"

"I love the column. You may not remember, but I emailed you a few months ago. I said that from your writing I could tell that you really understand women. I'm widowed, and it's been the hardest time finding a suitable man in this town."

I looked down at the grinning chihuahua at the feet of this warm and vivacious woman. If a hottie like this can't find a good mate, I thought to myself - well, that's just wrong.

I said, "I do remember your note, though I don't even understand toasters, so I sure don't know about women. But, anyway, how's about we post you on my blog and get you hooked up? Hackie readers are pretty cool people, if I say so myself. I bet we can dig up a good man for you."

"Well," she replied, "I'll give that a try! I mean, why not?"

So, here we go. Though this is a decent picture, I really should have taken a few more because it doesn't do justice to a very attractive woman. BTW, and not that this matters to the enlightened man, but she was wearing short shorts the day of this photo, and, let me tell you, she looked good in them. Boys, I mean good.

 She's widowed with some grown children.

So, let's hook up Catherine. If you're interested, or can recommend someone, post a comment or email me humbly stating your qualifications as a boyfriend. Broadly speaking, the winning candidate will be stout-hearted, kind-spirited to a fault, and between the ages of 40-60. I'll pass on the responses to the lady-in-waiting.

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About The Author

Jernigan Pontiac

Jernigan Pontiac

Jernigan Pontiac was a Burlington cab driver whose biweekly "Hackie" column appeared in Seven Days 2000-20. He has published two book-length collections, Hackie: Cab Driving and Life, and Hackie 2: Perfect Autumn.


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