My Mother Caught Me Masturbating. I'm So Embarrassed, I Might Die. | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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My Mother Caught Me Masturbating. I'm So Embarrassed, I Might Die. 

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Dear Reverend,

The other day, my mother came into my bedroom without knocking and caught me masturbating. I don't think she really saw anything because I was under the covers, but I'm pretty sure she knew what I was doing. She said something about dinner, left the room quickly and closed the door behind her. I'm so embarrassed, I might die.

Uncovered (female, 15)

Dear Uncovered,

However mortifying that may have been, it's most likely not what will cause your demise. There are certainly worse things that could happen. When I was maybe 17, my boyfriend and I were full-on having sex in his bedroom when his mother walked in. There were no covers involved and absolutely no mistaking what was going on. I don't quite know how I survived that god-awful incident, yet here I am.

Masturbating is nothing to be ashamed of. Everybody does it, and it's perfectly normal and healthy. Especially when you're a teenager. As hard as it is to believe, your mother was once a teenager, too. And she likely engaged in sexual activity at some point in her life because, well, you're here.

Your mom is probably almost as embarrassed as you. I bet you both would be just fine acting like it never happened and going on about your regularly scheduled programming. If you do feel the need to talk to her about it, remember the issue here is not that you were masturbating; it's that your mother has to learn to respect your privacy.

Whether you want to discuss it in person or perhaps write her a note, you don't have to get into specifics about what happened. Just let her know that you would appreciate it if she knocked before she entered your room. You may be her kid, but you have every right to privacy in your own home.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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The Reverend

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What's your problem? Need some irreverent counsel on life's conundrums? You can always just "Ask the Rev."

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