Scarlett Letters: My Wife Is Into Holiday Gifts But We Can't Afford It | Scarlett Letters | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

Seven Days needs your financial support!

Pin It
Favorite

Scarlett Letters: My Wife Is Into Holiday Gifts But We Can't Afford It 

click to enlarge scarletletters1-1-1df59537238ebb85.jpg

Dear Scarlett,

Christmas is coming, and I am dreading it. My wife is very into giving gifts, but we can't afford it and it's usually a setup. She'll buy me an expensive gift, then expect me to do the same. If I don't buy her something as nice as what she buys me, she gets angry. I just don't think we need to express our love with Hallmark cards and all that. I'd rather we appreciate each other every day and save the money. She knows how I feel, and yet it happens every holiday.

Signed,

Buyer's Remorse(male, 43)

Dear Buyer's Remorse,

On a positive note, it sounds like your wife is a generous person and is seeking confirmation that you love her as much as she loves you. On a negative note, it sounds like she's doing it in a shallow and materialistic way.

It also sounds like she's testing you. If you don't buy her the perfect thing, it means you don't love her (enough). That's a form of manipulation, whether she intends it that way or not. People should give out of the goodness of their hearts, not because they expect something in return.

Try to find the happy medium. She enjoys giving gifts and celebrating holidays, so put a limit on what you spend on each other. That will help reduce the mismatch between her buying you gold and you buying her silver — and it will save money to boot.

You could suggest limiting the gift giving to certain holidays. If Christmas is her favorite, agree to exchange gifts then, but not on Valentine's Day. A 10-year anniversary might warrant a splurge, but 12 years? Not so much.

You might also agree to spend together on a gift for you both — a vacation or an entertainment system. Or exchange gifts that aren't store-bought. She can give you an hourlong foot rub, say, and you can take on a week's worth of household chores — or vice versa. In the end, it really is the thought that counts.

Love,

Scarlett

Fill out my online form.
Got something to say? Send a letter to the editor and we'll publish your feedback in print!

Pin It
Favorite

About The Author

Scarlett

Comments


Comments are closed.

Since 2014, Seven Days has allowed readers to comment on all stories posted on our website. While we’ve appreciated the suggestions and insights, the time has come to shut them down — at least temporarily.

While we champion free speech, facts are a matter of life and death during the coronavirus pandemic, and right now Seven Days is prioritizing the production of responsible journalism over moderating online debates between readers.

To criticize, correct or praise our reporting, please send us a letter to the editor. Or send us a tip. We’ll check it out and report the results.

Online comments may return when we have better tech tools for managing them. Thanks for reading.

Keep up with us Seven Days a week!

Sign up for our fun and informative
newsletters:

All content © 2020 Da Capo Publishing, Inc. 255 So. Champlain St. Ste. 5, Burlington, VT 05401
Website powered by Foundation