Scarlett Letters: My Wife Suddenly Wants Aggressive Sex | Scarlett Letters | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

Seven Days needs your financial support!

Scarlett Letters: My Wife Suddenly Wants Aggressive Sex 

click to enlarge scarlett1-1-c4304eeff2f1b2bb.jpg

Dear Scarlett,

My spouse and I have been together for more than 10 years. Our sex life used to be hot and heavy, but it wound down. We've been trying to rekindle things, but something happened that derailed it. In the middle of sex, my wife got aggressive and told me to slap her on the face. It shocked the heck out of me. I said no and asked her where that came from. She got embarrassed, and we haven't had sex since. I love my wife and don't want to hurt her. When did she start wanting that sort of thing? Is she the same person I married?

Signed,

Lover, Not a Fighter

Dear Lover,

Your wife is the same person with whom you fell in love, but that doesn't mean her tastes haven't changed. Maybe she read an article about dominance and submission and felt turned on. Maybe she's been interested all along but was afraid to tell you. She's telling you now, and the only way to understand it is to ask.

It's not abnormal for people to sexualize pain and humiliation. That behavior may be a no-go for you, but you should decide together. If you're open to exploring her interests, do as much research as you would before any major life decision. Read articles, consult experts, talk to people who've done it (perhaps online). 

Dominance and submission is a dynamic, so the pleasure should be mutual. Above all, the experience must be consensual and safe. Negotiate limits in advance. Agree on a safe word — something that signals, "Stop right now!" Don't attempt any aggressive behavior while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

Face slapping is extreme; the face consists of dozens of muscles, tiny bones and nerve endings — as well as the nose, eyes and mouth — that are easily damaged. So, slapping should be done with the utmost care.

Most people view face slapping as degrading, even a form of abuse. Your wife is asking for a type of humiliation that can bring up painful memories or have lasting emotional effects. That's something you two should seriously consider.

Maybe explore playful slaps on the butt first. Have a good time — but don't knock yourselves out!

Love,

Scarlett

Fill out my online form.
Got something to say? Send a letter to the editor and we'll publish your feedback in print!

About The Author

Scarlett

Comments


Comments are closed.

Since 2014, Seven Days has allowed readers to comment on all stories posted on our website. While we’ve appreciated the suggestions and insights, the time has come to shut them down — at least temporarily.

While we champion free speech, facts are a matter of life and death during the coronavirus pandemic, and right now Seven Days is prioritizing the production of responsible journalism over moderating online debates between readers.

To criticize, correct or praise our reporting, please send us a letter to the editor. Or send us a tip. We’ll check it out and report the results.

Online comments may return when we have better tech tools for managing them. Thanks for reading.

Keep up with us Seven Days a week!

Sign up for our fun and informative
newsletters:

All content © 2020 Da Capo Publishing, Inc. 255 So. Champlain St. Ste. 5, Burlington, VT 05401  |  Contact Us
Website powered by Foundation