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Curses, Foiled Again

A woman was kneeling in prayer on the kitchen floor of her Seattle home when she felt someone grab her hair from behind. She later told police she thought it was her husband playing a joke on her, but when she turned around, she saw an unknown man. According to the police report, she yelled out, “Lord help me,” whereupon the intruder fell back, hitting his head on the refrigerator. The man then stumbled out of the house, taking only a $20 bill that had been sitting on the table, and drove off in a white Cadillac. (Seattle’s KOMO-TV)

Things That Go Boom — and Don’t

A 19-year-old man carrying what Houston police called a “combustible mixture” intending to “blow up turtles” suffered severe injuries to his hand, lower extremities and face after he accidentally detonated the materials. Investigators said the teenager lit a cigar, whose ashes fell near the pocket carrying the explosive cartridges and ignited them. (Houston Chronicle)

Second-Amendment Follies

Authorities said Patrick Stapleton, 22, decided to pull a prank on a 21-year-old friend who was asleep at a home in Lothian, Md., by shooting him in the buttocks with a BB gun. The weapon turned out to be a .40 caliber handgun. The victim was hospitalized with non-life threatening injuries, and Stapleton was charged with second-degree assault and reckless endangerment. (Baltimore’s WJZ-TV)

Pedi to the Metal

Scientists from New York University will measure the degree of contamination from hexavalent chromium, a “well-established carcinogen,” in Garfield, N.J., by collecting toenail clippings from city residents. Because toenails grow slowly, researchers will be able to determine how much of the metal has accumulated in the body over the past 18 months as a result of a chemical spill in a residential neighborhood 30 years ago, according to environmental medicine professor Judith Zelikoff. (Associated Press)

Slightest Provocation

Authorities said Frank Louis Reeves, 73, fatally shot a 65-year-old woman at a gas station in Macon, Ga., after her car and his motorized wheelchair bumped into each other at a pump bay. Police official Jami Gaudet indicated there was no argument; Reeves just pulled a .38-caliber handgun and fired, hitting the victim in the chest. “The whole encounter, I can tell you, was very brief,” Gaudet said. (Associated Press)

Authorities charged Tina Berryhill Rucker, 42, with domestic violence after they said she choked a man sleeping with her in Myrtle Beach, S.C., for taking too much of the bed covers. (Associated Press)

Unclear on the Concept

Police arrested Elizabeth Niemi, 57, in Hooksett, N.H., after she called 911 seeking medical help. When rescue personnel arrived, they learned she really just wanted help ordering Chinese food. (Boston’s WBZ-TV)

New York City authorities accused Matthew Matagrano, 36, of using bogus credentials to impersonate a Department of Correction investigator and sneak into several city lockups, where he mingled with inmates for hours. The convicted sex offender aroused the suspicions of guards at Rikers Island when he moved inmates from one cell to another. (The New York Post)

When Guns Are Outlawed

Police arrested Erik Brown, 36, in Port St. Lucie, Fla., after they said he struck a teenage relative in the face with a Taco Bell burrito during a domestic dispute. Officers reported the victim had “burrito cheese, sauce and meat all over his clothing and face.” (The Smoking Gun)

Careful What You Wish For

After persuading their mother to spend more than $30,000 on cosmetic surgery to enhance their breasts and bottoms to look like movie star Jennifer “J-Lo” Lopez, sisters Karen Lopez, 20, and Jennifer Lopez, 23, of Camberwell, South London, complained that their new bodies are attracting too much attention. “My bum is so big now it’s kind of a curse because guys in clubs always want to have a feel of it,” Karen said. “Even girls want a photo next to it.” Jennifer was the first to have surgery, a $6000 breast enhancement when she was 15. She later had fat pumped from her stomach to her bottom. Karen started with a $3000 nose job when she was 14, then persuaded her 43-year-old mother to use her savings and earnings from a cleaning job to pay for a liposuction and bottom-enlargement operation. Both had seven procedures between them, trying to emulate J-Lo’s “curvy” looks. “Sometimes it’s too much,” the British Jennifer Lopez said, noting men and women “come up and touch my bum.” (Britain’s Daily Mail)

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About The Author

Roland Sweet

Bio:
Roland Sweet was the author of a syndicated column called "News Quirks," which appeared weekly in Seven Days.

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