Nuptials Nonsense | Mistress Maeve | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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Nuptials Nonsense 

Mistress Maeve

Published May 5, 2010 at 7:16 p.m.

Dear Mistress Maeve,

This is maybe more of a "friend" question than a "relationship" question, but I would really appreciate hearing your point of view. I'm going to change names and scenarios so as not to piss some people off.

I have a friend (let's call her "Amber"). Amber is getting married next January. They decided to have a destination wedding in Mexico at an all-inclusive resort, meaning that guests would need to pay for airfare and accommodations. All in all, this is probably going to cost most couples somewhere in the neighborhood of $3000.

I have no problem with destination weddings - hey, whatever you want to do. But here's the problem: Amber swore up and down to her friends and family that she knew not everyone would be able to make the wedding, given the cost. However, when I told her I couldn't spend the cash, she seemed totally miffed and has been giving me the cold shoulder ever since. When she began talking about the wedding, she would consult me on everything, and now she won't discuss it at all. WTF?!

Please help. I can't afford to go to this wedding, but I also can't afford to lose my good friend.


Something Blue


Dear Blue,

For the couple looking to cut down on the stress and guest list of traditional nuptials, a destination wedding is a great choice; however, the couple-to-be must realize that not everyone is willing or able to celebrate with a weeklong vacation.

You have no control over Bridezilla's cold shoulder routine. The best you can do is ask her out for coffee and have a chat. Check your annoyance at the door and tell her that you're sincerely sorry you can't make the wedding and that her friendship is important to you. To let her know you care, offer to help with wedding preplanning or the bachelorette party. Whether Amber softens and brings you back into the wedding fold is up to her, but you'll sleep soundly knowing you took the high road while standing your ground.

If you want to keep it classy, have a wedding gift awaiting them at the resort - a gift certificate for dinner or a spa treatment should do the trick.

I do,


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About The Author

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve wrote a weekly advice column on love and lust from September 2007 until January 2014.


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