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Old Flame Flare-Up 

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...

Published September 4, 2013 at 11:20 p.m.

Dear Mistress,

This woman I fooled around with before I moved to Vermont last year is coming to town in October. She texted me recently saying she was looking forward to seeing me. We were friends before we started hooking up, and I don’t want to be rude, but I’m in a committed relationship now. I’m not sure it would be a good idea for us to hang out. I’m concerned that she will be expecting a hookup, and I would prefer to avoid that awkward situation. What should I do?


Old Tricks

Dear Old Tricks,

The answer to your quandary is a simple one — so simple that it can often be overlooked, making matters far more complicated than necessary. Be honest. It’s that easy. Be up front with your old hookup and let her know that you’re happy to see her, but that your reunion will be platonic.

If you truly want to avoid awkward drama, do not — I repeat, do not — send mixed signals. Have you responded to her text yet? The more texts you bat back and forth before letting her know you’re off the market, the higher her hopes of sleeping with you will get. If texting her about your new relationship seems callous, pick up the phone or send her an email — both options are more formal than texting.

Lastly, I have to wonder if there’s more to this story. You say you’re simply trying to avoid awkwardness with the ex, but are you sure you’re not more worried about slipping up and cheating on your partner? If you find yourself fantasizing about one last roll in the hay with your ex, it might be time to examine your current relationship. If the lure of an old flame is enough to set your current bed on fire, you might be in the wrong relationship.

New tricks,


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About The Author

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve wrote a weekly advice column on love and lust from September 2007 until January 2014.


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