Parent Attack! | Culture | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

Seven Days needs your financial support!

Parent Attack! 

They're everywhere!  Holding pamphlets and reading maps.  Pointing fingers and taking tours.  Telling awkward jokes and laughing loudly.  Asking me dumb questions.  With no shame!

Today is freshman move-in day at UVM, and here at the school administration's darling Davis Center, parents have attacked.  All summer long, this place has been a mausoleum.  The only thing that crowded these halls were the occasional echos coming the tap of  a solitary pair of flip flops.

But now things have changed.

Not the kind of sweeping, mythical, hard-fought change that President-to-be Obama spoke about last night.  What we have here is a temporary kind of change.  It's a three-day transitional period that forms the margin between the off season and the commencement of the academic session.  This margin is the Parent Attack.

It's a phenomena that conjures a host of emotions.  A knowing smile creeps across my face as I remember the time when my anxious parents moved me up to school.  The smile becomes a smirk as I walk by a blonde first-year shooting her dad a look of death as he painfully jokes "hey honey check it out, it's a gender-neutral bathroom.  Is that for people with both parts, or neither?!"  My smirk devolves into a full-scale scowl as the path to Underground Copy (i need to fax something and this is the only place on campus that still boasts an operational fax-machine) is obstructed by about 100 parents in a sprawling line emerging from the Chittenden Bank branch here at The Dud.  I fight down the urge to yell "don't you remember what college kids spend their money on..."   Images of booze, condoms, and cigarettes float into my head.

We can't blame these Helicopter Parent Baby Boomer Almost Empty-Nesters for being here.  After all, in 2008, parental involvement in college stops far after packing the car and a pat on the back.  With that said, this is only day one of the Parent Attack.  Updates to follow...

Got something to say? Send a letter to the editor and we'll publish your feedback in print!

Speaking of College Blog

Comments


Comments are closed.

Since 2014, Seven Days has allowed readers to comment on all stories posted on our website. While we’ve appreciated the suggestions and insights, the time has come to shut them down — at least temporarily.

While we champion free speech, facts are a matter of life and death during the coronavirus pandemic, and right now Seven Days is prioritizing the production of responsible journalism over moderating online debates between readers.

To criticize, correct or praise our reporting, please send us a letter to the editor. Or send us a tip. We’ll check it out and report the results.

Online comments may return when we have better tech tools for managing them. Thanks for reading.

Latest in Culture

Keep up with us Seven Days a week!

Sign up for our fun and informative
newsletters:

All content © 2020 Da Capo Publishing, Inc. 255 So. Champlain St. Ste. 5, Burlington, VT 05401  |  Contact Us
Website powered by Foundation