Sex can be a lonely business, and not just when you're flying solo. Even when you and yours seem totally in sync, there's always room for secret thoughts: the simulated scenario that gets you over; that thing you wish you could be doing; that thing you do do, but don't dare divulge to anyone who isn't doing it with you.
Not that there's anything wrong with a little privacy. As long as nobody's getting hurt, what you do with your body -- and certainly your mind -- is nobody's business but your own. But as any love counselor worth her byline will tell you, sometimes sharing can do a body good. And finding out what's on other folks' minds can be informative. Even inspirational.
For six weeks, we've been soliciting your sex secrets. Your response has been, er, gratifying. Our mailbox overflowed with single-sentence confidences and extended erotica. Some of your secrets are sad, but mostly you told us happy thoughts: who and what gets you hot and your steamiest recollections. Whether or not these "memoirs" would pass the Oprah truth test, they sure make good reading.
We've loosely grouped your revelations by theme and reprinted the gist of them here. Enjoy!
In my most enduring fantasy, I am set upon a lavish banquet table, in an echoing hall, without clothes, hands bound behind my back, blindfolded in the 'child's pose' on the table. Surrounding me are many plates of various food offerings and bottles of wine. Soon I hear the host greeting his guests. He leads them into the hall and invites them to help themselves to whatever they might like.
At first, I feel fabric brushing against me as men and women mill about the table, talking and laughing, picking up some fruit here, cheese there, seemingly oblivious to my presence. After what seems like hours, I feel an object being pressed against my lips. I part them and chew on the grape that has been proffered. The conversation continues around me -- I am like a second thought, forgotten and then remembered when stumbled upon. I feel something else on my lips. This time, a sticky orange. It feels like a man's hand and he pushes his fingers in, too, urging me to lick and suck off the juice the orange has left...
STRAIGHT FEMALE, 41
Be conservative. Keep yourself secret for a while (at least 3 months). Act confident -- slightly bitchy.
Never slutty. All that needs to be said is in the eyes. The power is purely the woman's when she is in control -- of herself. Let him get the drift, cooooly. Walk by close enough that he can smell your hair and or perfume -- slightly. Keep him at arm's length for a while. Keep your gift until you know that he will honor and protect. When it is time ... Don't do it -- until he can't stand it anymore.
STRAIGHT FEMALE, 28
... We turned each other inside out with our passion that came out of the darkness and held us like animals. The galley was filled with the smell of our sex. Our passion was hot, fueled by our desire, and I don't know where it came from. I really hardly knew him. We pulled it out of each other. We played till we were exhausted and so satisfied. My God, I thought, I love sailing.
I have sex with an average of 50 women a month ... yes ... that's almost two a day ... and I'm OK with that.
STRAIGHT MALE, 30
When I was in college I was dating a girl who admitted to being a bit kinky and that she was interested in threesomes. I was young and very excitable, so I did not talk about my own fantasies, but indulged her by affirming the positive feelings.
I was new to sex in general, because I was shy and insecure about my own sexuality and it took an aggressive girl who knew what she liked to steal my virginity and ignite the fires of within. We had been together for over a year and we had had sex multiple times every day. We became familiar with each other's bodies and we were consumed by our physical relationship.
As our relationship deepened, we became increasingly open and unashamed about what turned us on and we experimented with role-playing, toys and pornography. This is when Cindy discussed her attraction of adding another person to the mix ...
STRAIGHT MALE, 40
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STRAIGHT FEMALE, 61
To my dear Weed, You have the nicest tits in FL. When we go to Vegas, don't forget to bring "buzz buzz!" Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Begas! And I want part of me to stay in you for nine months.
Wanna know my deepest, darkest sex secret? Infertility. It doesn't get any deeper, darker or more secret than that. And, no, we didn't start trying to conceive when we were 40. I'm just good, old-fashioned broken, yet all mine and my husband's diagnostics came back "perfectly normal."
This will probably be your oddest submission, well ... maybe not -- I'm a mother and I feel sexy. I don't mean "big tits," "tight ass" sexy, but "I birthed a child" sexy. Before my daughter was born, I thought of my body as being mainly something for my husband to enjoy. I didn't really think of it as being useful or powerful. But since the birth, I not only have an enormous sense of confidence about what my body can achieve, but also an amazing amount of respect for it.
STRAIGHT FEMALE, 33
I have always loved men's butts and I have to admit that I can understand the sexual attraction of gay men. I have always thought that I agree with them and, since I love the sensation of putting lotion on my finger and playing with my anus and then slowly inserting one and then two fingers, I could see where they would like it.
STRAIGHT FEMALE, 24
I'm hopelessly attracted to the executive assistant in my office. She's not my assistant, but I wish she were! She has the perfect bedroom eyes to go along with her perfect bedroom voice, which makes me melt every time I hear it. And, of course, I'm too much of a chicken shit to do anything about it!
BISEXUAL FEMALE, 33
I've got the HOTS for my acupuncturist's wife! I know she's happily married, but I fantasize about her a lot. How that long silky black hair flows over her slender shoulders almost down to her luscious firm little ass! I'd LOVE to needle her.
STRAIGHT MALE, 39
I really get hot when my partner is doing the dishes. Not sure if I've got some sort of whacked domestic lust issues or what, but I can't keep my hands or mouth off of her when she's standing at the sink with her hands in the suds.
I know this sounds a little weird (I am a happily faithful, married guy), but my wife has a cousin that is so incredibly hot I can hardly stand to be around her.
I am a total panty man, and this girl is a panty man's dream come true. Within two minutes of seeing her, you know what the panty of the day is, and she makes no secret of it.
Anyway, she was at our house one day and I could just see the finest cotton panties I had ever seen wrapped around her perfect ass. They were black fullbacks with tiny silver stripes. They followed the curve of her jeans so perfectly! I know she knew I was all over those (she caught me looking a "few" times and sort of smiled). Later that day she asked if she could leave her car at our house while she walked downtown to meet some friends. I said I had to go out later and she insisted that I use her car because she would not be back until late that night. She took a shower, changed clothes and got ready to leave. She took a spare key from her key ring, handed it to me and said, "Be careful with my car, there might be distractions along the way, you know."
Later when I went out, I hopped into her car, started it and went to back out of the driveway when I noticed something on the passenger seat. Lying there were the size 5 cotton panties that had arrested my entire thought process all day. I drove a block or so before I had the nerve to reach over and touch them. They were everything I could have imagined as I dangled them in my fingers while driving down the street.
I stuffed them in my pocket and went about my day (reaching in to feel the heavenly material) and when I returned I was so VERY careful to leave them exactly as I found them. When I woke up the next morning her car was gone and I noticed my cell phone beeping with a message. I accessed my messages and she had left one saying, "I hope you liked your little present on the seat, it would be way too risky to tell you to keep them, so maybe we just do this from time to time."
Needless to say, I borrow her car as much as I can!
STRAIGHT MALE, 37
There is a woman in our workplace with a knockout ass! She seems to have to bend over a lot. I've now learned the true meaning of "Location, location, location!"
STRAIGHT MALE, 44
I am a guy who works out at a local gym. I have the hots for one of the hottest guys at the gym. One time, I was working out on a Saturday and he came in to start working out. He looked at me as if he wanted to say something to me. But I just bolted, because I was afraid or shy to say anything to him, I guess.
I am married, and sex with my wife is good ... but when I am alone I like to indulge in a little bi-style masturbation that my wife does not enjoy watching or participating in. I have a collection of dildos, some REALLY fat ones, about as fat as my own hand, which I would love to fist myself with but unfortunately my arm is not long enough for me to reach around. :(
BISEXUAL MALE, 40
I got myself off during the Cameron Diaz-in-a-cage scene of Being John Malkovich.
STRAIGHT FEMALE, 23
Got a sex doll that is great to bang away on when the real thing is not available!!!!
I adore to have my boyfriend come on my breasts, then to use it as a lubricant whilst I bring myself to orgasm.
I get off by pissing and shitting in my pants or a diaper. I also love having a male partner who does the same in my presence.
A couple of years ago, my wife told me about a fantasy she had. She said she wanted to dress up as a nurse and take my temperature the "old-fashioned way." It didn't have much appeal to me at the time, but I figured I would indulge her since she often indulges me.
I ordered a "sexy nurse" costume online and picked up a thermometer and a jar of Vaseline at the drug store. I put them in a box, wrapped it up and gave it to her with a card that said, "Making All of Your Dreams Come True."
Not long after the box was opened that night, she walked into the bedroom in her uniform holding the thermometer in one hand and the Vaseline in the other. She told me that she heard I might have a fever and was here to take my temperature. After instructing me on what to do, I found myself face down over her lap with my boxers around my knees and a greased-up thermometer in my butt. Really great sex followed. The uniform never came off. I never knew health care could be so much fun.
I can barely stand having sex with my boyfriend anymore; I feel so guilty because I can't keep from fantasizing. While we are doing it, I think about being tied up and made to pleasure an anonymous man (or woman!), or about being spanked and told to beg for it. Having fantasies like this is the only way I can come with him. I haven't been able to tell him about these fantasies, I am too embarrassed.
STRAIGHT FEMALE, 21
(Note from Lola: Don't be so hard on yourself. Fantasizing is normal and healthy, and it's perfectly OK not to tell him).
I don't fantasize about anyone except my partner when we have sex.
The best idea is to squeeze three female roommates and two male friends into a 3/4 shower after skinny-dipping ... and make out.
"OTHER" FEMALE, 22
This was an amazing, and torturous, thing that an old girlfriend did for me. She tied me to her bed, fully clothed. She had pre-recorded a 10-minute tape of her talking to me. She moaned, she told me of all the things she was going to do to me, she orgasmed and told me that she was going to punish me. I would lie on the bed, squirming, listening. My girlfriend then came back a few minutes and began to just kiss me, not allowing me to fully touch her. It was the best foreplay in the world.
"OTHER" FEMALE, 24
In my dreams, I have the most lucid fantasies ... anal with last lovers, snuggling with celebrities, even S&M with my significant other ... the most distracting thing is waking up -- right as I orgasm! This is an almost nightly thing. How come my subconscious libido is aflame, but it doesn't translate into further forays?
STRAIGHT FEMALE, 25
I finally found a man who's not afraid to put his big, awesome hands around my neck and tell me he needs to tie me up. Makes me perfectly drippy every time!
STRAIGHT FEMALE, 33
I want a dominatrix in a black leather skirt to put a collar and leash on me -- walk me around her house. Then get tied to her bed and have her use a strap on me.
STRAIGHT MALE, 41
I never knew I would want to talk dirty, get thrown around or make so much damn noise. It wasn't until I started liking girls that I ever knew how much I would start to like sex.
BISEXUAL FEMALE, 22
I fantasize about having sex in an elevator. The strangest part of all of this? I'm claustrophobic and in reality probably couldn't handle being stuck in an elevator that wasn't moving!
I have always had the desire to do the deed with my wife while riding in a glass elevator up the side of a high-rise building.
STRAIGHT MALE, 48
Thought for next time you eat out at a restaurant: I've had sex multiple times on the table that you are eating at with the waitress that is serving you. And if I've done it at my restaurant, how many other restaurants has this occurred in ... Bone appetite.
STRAIGHT MALE, 25
While at work, I often lock the door to my office, turn off the lights, and masturbate, kneeling, resting my upper body on the seat of my chair, my head hanging over the back of the seat.
STRAIGHT FEMALE, 27
Some of the most fun and frisky sex I've ever had was in Lake Champlain. It started out as an innocent splash at the beach and led to a chase into the deeper water. Following suit of the kids on shore we played tag and tickle. Soon my fingers found themselves under her suit and between her labia. We took turns riding each other's legs and laughing, since too much kissing might give our game away to the sun worshipers on shore. We did attract some attention when I let out a shriek. A passing sunfish or bit of Eurasian milfoil had unexpectedly caressed my leg.
There were only a few others in the theater and they quickly spilled out into the matinee daylight. The door beneath the screen banged shut and the credits rolled. I looked behind me and realized we were alone.
All of a sudden I'm between her legs. She's still sitting in the chair and I'm watching the door while the projector above still flickers. I wonder if there's anyone watching from the projection room. I like the idea of someone being there.
I finish quickly and come on the floor. She's not on the pill. I get scared as the film leader pops. It sounds like gunshots. I pull up and zip as I make for the outside door and brightness hits my eyes. When I can open them again, we're walking arm in arm up the street, hearts racing, and we're laughing. There's an old lady walking past us and I swear she knows what we were up to.
STRAIGHT MALE, 23
Not much to tell ... I have the hots for my dental hygienist. And I never get enough.
STRAIGHT MALE, 41
My dirty little sex secret is that I have a huge female foot fetish. I just can't get enough. It may seem very strange to most people, but I don't see the difference from a guy who likes women's butts, breasts or vaginas. It's all part of the absolutely amazing body of a woman. Now don't get me wrong, I love sex just as much as the next guy. I just love female feet as much, if not a little bit more. And when I get to use foot worship as part of the sexual encounter, wow, it's the BEST.
STRAIGHT MALE, 34
Truth be told, I want to be a slut. But a slut with passion. I want to be aggressively seduced.
"OTHER" MALE, 26
I want to make pornos with my lovers. But nothing raunchy, I just want to watch our lovemaking from all angles.
"OTHER" MALE, 28
One of the only times I've ever involved food in sex ... was eating jellybeans out from between the labia of my first girlfriend. Errr ... study break?
I love having sex with girls so bad.
At the core of it all are the small tuffs of hair just above the woman's eyes. Mmmm, the 'brow is the center of my universe, for better or worse. Yes, one is usually drawn to a woman's eyes when introduced for the first time, but it only takes a smack of the lips to glance just north (quite the opposite, as most men take that brief second to glance south), to be able to get that one private clue as to what lies beneath ... down under.
With every female interaction that I have, young and old, the waitress, clients, friends, passersby on the street, my glance darts north and then back again. No one is the wiser. My window, my clue to what lies beneath has been entrusted to the curtains above, as they usually match the carpet below (unless I uncover hardwood -- but that's another story).
STRAIGHT MALE, 28
John DuBrul III: Razor and the Old Soul team rock
Christopher Hayden: Hoo hoo hoo-ray!
wahrheit: Once again Dan Bolles has produced a beautifully crafted and researched piece of real journalism. Thanks Dan and…