She's Slept Around; He Hasn't | Mistress Maeve | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice
Pin It

She's Slept Around; He Hasn't 

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...

Dear Mistress,

I’ve had, shall we say, a “colorful” sexual history. I started having sex at 17 and haven’t stopped. Now I’m a 30-something woman who has experienced everything from BDSM to threesomes. I am proud of my rich sex history and don’t regret a single act of it. That said, I now find myself falling for a man who is my sexual polar opposite. He has had a handful of long-term sexual partners, whereas I have had myriad one-offs and casual flings. I know that he’s open-minded (and extremely good in bed), but I can’t help but feel a little nervous to tell him the actual number of partners I’ve had. He’s Midwestern, for God’s sake!

When this question arises, how do I handle it? If I refuse to tell him, I feel like I’m forsaking my feminist identity as a sex-positive woman. If I tell him, I worry he’ll feel intimidated and inadvertently sabotage the good thing we have going.


Relationship Virgin

Dear RV,

Kudos to you for relinquishing your relationship V-card — and to a nice Midwestern boy!

It doesn’t surprise me that he’s good in bed — sometimes quality, not quantity, can make the best lovers. With your combined experience, you two make a power couple in the bedroom. You bring the benefits of having numerous partners and adventures, and he brings the advantages of keeping a select few partners satisfied long term.

When the time comes, be honest about your sexual history without rattling off every detail — keeping some things private does not revoke your membership to the sex-positive feminist club. If he asks you for specific numbers, try something like, “It’s never been important to me to keep a tally. It seems I’ve had more lovers than you, but I’m more interested in our current chemistry than I am about our past partners.”

If you sense him becoming uncomfortable, reinforce your feelings for him — let him know you’re falling for him and that you’re invested in the relationship. Suggest that you both get a clean bill of health from your medical providers and seal the deal on this Midwestern romance. Remember, if he’s going to sabotage your relationship out of some self-righteous moral bullshit, or feelings of inadequacy, he’s not right for you.

More is more,


Fill out my online form.

Got something to say? Send a letter to the editor and we'll publish your feedback in print!

Pin It

More by Mistress Maeve

About The Author

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve wrote a weekly advice column on love and lust from September 2007 until January 2014.


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Seven Days moderates comments in order to ensure a civil environment. Please treat the comments section as you would a town meeting, dinner party or classroom discussion. In other words, keep commenting classy! Read our guidelines...

Note: Comments are limited to 300 words.

Latest in Category

Social Club

Like Seven Days contests and events? Join the club!

See an example of this newsletter...

Keep up with us Seven Days a week!

Sign up for our fun and informative

All content © 2017 Da Capo Publishing, Inc. 255 So. Champlain St. Ste. 5, Burlington, VT 05401
Website powered by Foundation