The 2013 Sex Survey: Part 4 | Sex + Romance | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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The 2013 Sex Survey: Part 4 

When I come, I sound like...

Published February 27, 2013 at 1:00 p.m.


A few of you landed on a “goddess,” more still on a “porn star.” Several mentioned marathons, and some took their cue from Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. A number of you looked to the animal kingdom for inspiration when pressed to fill in the blank. A dolphin! A gorilla! When one fortysomething couple makes waves, he sounds like a “reserved walrus,” she like a “seal.” We especially appreciated the alliteration-loving reader who came up with “a pot-bellied pig plunging into a pile of mud.”

And so, in honor of that poetic flourish, we’ll let you have the final word on this one. Consider this your found poem:

  • A wild boar
  • A joyful beast
  • A lion
  • A tiger
  • A bear
  • A strangled priest
  • A nun without her habit
  • A superhero changing into an uncomfortable costume
  • I’m winning a fight to the death against unlikely odds
  • I giggle
  • Like a champ
  • Like I stubbed my toe really hard
  • I’m mad
  • I’m happy as all hell
  • Happy like the great Mississippi
  • A Bach cadence
  • An opera singer
  • A fucking symphony
  • A wailing ghost
  • A wounded dog
  • I have rainbows coming out of my ears
  • A Foley sound artist for a ’40s cartoon
  • A stuttering car engine
  • A steam locomotive
  • A generator winding down
  • contents under pressure
  • A crowd of teenaged girls at a Justin Bieber concert
  • A lumberjack chopping down a tree
  • An overweight Russian longingly calling his own name
  • Linda Blair in The Exorcist!
  • Björk
  • Darth Vader
  • John McEnroe winning Wimbledon
  • A hot-air balloon
  • A diving submarine
  • An F-35
  • A yes machine
  • A tea kettle
  • The wind in a creaky old barn
  • A sigh of relief
  • Quiet

Illustration by Sean Metcalf.

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