The 2013 Sex Survey: Part 4 | Sex + Romance | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice
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February 27, 2013 Arts + Life » Sex + Romance

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The 2013 Sex Survey: Part 4 

When I come, I sound like...

By
sounds_like.jpg

A few of you landed on a “goddess,” more still on a “porn star.” Several mentioned marathons, and some took their cue from Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. A number of you looked to the animal kingdom for inspiration when pressed to fill in the blank. A dolphin! A gorilla! When one fortysomething couple makes waves, he sounds like a “reserved walrus,” she like a “seal.” We especially appreciated the alliteration-loving reader who came up with “a pot-bellied pig plunging into a pile of mud.”

And so, in honor of that poetic flourish, we’ll let you have the final word on this one. Consider this your found poem:

  • A wild boar

  • A joyful beast

  • A lion

  • A tiger

  • A bear

  • A strangled priest

  • A nun without her habit

  • A superhero changing into an uncomfortable costume

  • I’m winning a fight to the death against unlikely odds

  • I giggle

  • Like a champ

  • Like I stubbed my toe really hard

  • I’m mad

  • I’m happy as all hell

  • Happy like the great Mississippi

  • A Bach cadence

  • An opera singer

  • A fucking symphony

  • A wailing ghost

  • A wounded dog

  • I have rainbows coming out of my ears

  • A Foley sound artist for a ’40s cartoon

  • A stuttering car engine

  • A steam locomotive

  • A generator winding down

  • contents under pressure

  • A crowd of teenaged girls at a Justin Bieber concert

  • A lumberjack chopping down a tree

  • An overweight Russian longingly calling his own name

  • Linda Blair in The Exorcist!

  • Björk

  • Darth Vader

  • John McEnroe winning Wimbledon

  • A hot-air balloon

  • A diving submarine

  • An F-35

  • A yes machine

  • A tea kettle

  • The wind in a creaky old barn

  • A sigh of relief

  • Quiet

Illustration by Sean Metcalf.

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