Vibrator for Two? | Ask Athena | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice
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Vibrator for Two? 

Dear Athena,

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than six years, and we have a pretty good thing going. I have always had a vibrator and recently attempted to bring it into sex, but he was really not into it. He even said he doesn't like that I have one. He didn't tell me I had to get rid of it, but he was, like, totally weirded out. I don't get it. I asked him to tell me more, but he wouldn't. How can I get him interested?

Yours,

Vibrator Initiator

Dear Vibrator Initiator,

I'm certainly glad he didn't forbid you to use your trusty vibrator anymore; that would have been a serious bummer. And it sounds like your ideal would be harmony among you, the boyfriend and the vibrator. But he's got issues about it, for sure, so let's get down to why. Does he feel intimidated? Do you use it more often than you play with him? He actually might be jealous.

If you want your honey to share the good vibes, you have to find a way to carefully ask him why he's turned off. Many stressful situations with a partner can be addressed by simply asking why. Avoid being defensive or challenging. If he thinks he can't pleasure you like your old pal the dildo, he may be feeling inadequate. Reassure him that no battery-operated buddy could ever out-do his human touch.

Unless, of course, he isn't hitting the mark, and vibey is your only chance for an orgasm. If that's the case, initiate a casual convo about where and how you like to be touched. Show him while in bed. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: You're responsible for your own orgasm. Whether your man responds to subtle guidance or needs Google maps, you gotta do what you gotta do.

If your boyfriend is put off by the vibrator because it's unbelievably huge, maybe try changing brands. Plenty of vibrators don't even resemble a penis but still do the job. Look into something that doesn't resemble his piece and he may settle down. We all need to feel useful and desired by our sexual partner, and your guy clearly doesn't want any competition.

In time, he might be ready for ­— and even enthused ­— about your mechanical participant in the bedroom, and will see it for what it is: a fun toy. Then you can be a happy little threesome.

Yours,

Athena

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