Virgin Territory | Mistress Maeve | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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Virgin Territory 

Mistress Maeve

Published September 30, 2009 at 1:14 p.m.

Dear Mistress Maeve,

Unlike those of most of your readers, my sex question pertains to a lack of it. I'm a 41-year-old male virgin who's never had a relationship. Women have been like fleeting birds in my life. What are the consequences of lack of sex, and how do I get started? Online dating hasn't gone anywhere. Should I keep trying the "casual encounters" route, or attend church for more socialization? What about therapy? I want a relationship, but anything would be good enough right now. Can you help?


Lonely Vermonter


Dear Lonely,

Popular culture would have us believe that Americans are having sex all the time with everyone from coworkers to neighbors to MILFs to escorts. But that's simply not true - most of us are as hard up as you are. Sure, it's a little odd that you're 41 years old and have yet to hump, but that doesn't make you an undateable leper.

The only consequence of lack of sex is a debilitating lack of confidence, which I fear is a major factor contributing to your empty social calendar. Forget online dating and hook-up sites where you're just one dude in a sea of dudes trying to get their swerves on. Instead, focus on joining groups or participating in activities that show your talents. Take a cooking class, volunteer at your church or host a World of WarCraft meetup - whatever floats your boat. If you begin meeting women with similar interests to your own, you'll greatly increase your chances of developing the relationship you crave.

As for therapy, I recommend it for everyone. Talking with friends is great, but there's nothing like the attentive ear and helpful suggestions of an objective professional. Go for it.

In virgin territory,


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About The Author

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve

Mistress Maeve wrote a weekly advice column on love and lust from September 2007 until January 2014.


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