Vt. Oldsters are Getting Randy | News | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice
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Vt. Oldsters are Getting Randy 

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Having worked in newspapers for some time now, nothing should shock me. Human behavior is wacky and unpredictable and icky and glorious, often all at the same time. You could tell me that your best friend gave birth to a horse named Miley Cyrus during monsoon season in New Mexico and it most likely wouldn't phase me. I'd probably want to see pictures of that sweet little filly. 

So when I happened to land on this sparkler of a personal ad (click on photo to enlarge) on our Hot 2 Trot website, it came as somewhat of a surprise that I was so scandalized by it. It's not that I don't think AARP members get it on from time to time — I'm pretty sex positive and I think that everyone should get some play, no matter how saggy their skin. It's that this 73-year-old grandma be NASTEE! 

Let's talk this through: 

First, grandma is taking nude (or implied nude) photos of herself and her prodigious bosom and posting them on the Internet. Meaning that one, at least one silver fox was paying attention during her computer class at the senior center, and two, your G-ma most likely knows how to do this as well. 

Secondly, grandma not only knows what a blow job is, but she's giving them out to friends while their respective spouses are sitting in rocking chairs doing the crossword puzzle or knitting afghans while watching one of their "programs." 

Thirdly, and perhaps most shocking, is the fact that grandma is into rimming. It's like the fountain of youth, only dirtier. I see a new porn genre in the making — Raging Anal Grannies™. If you steal my idea, I'm gonna be pissed.   

This ad wasn't the only one posted recently on our Hot 2 Trot site that raised my eyebrow because of the person's age. Two other ads posted recently suggested that their writers were spry, willing and sexually adventurous octogenarians. However, my sense is that those ads are fakes. I mean, really, what 80-year-old would write so candidly about her hip replacement and dentures as they relate to sex? (a NASTEE one!) If you're going to write a fake ad from an elderly sexpot, at least throw in some mentions of Preparation H, liver spots and the Glenn Miller Orchestra to make it interesting.  

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As for our original naughty nana, I'm pretty sure her ad is legit. And I wish her the best in her quest for some ass. I'm just glad she's not my grandma. 

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Lauren Ober

Lauren Ober

Lauren Ober was a Seven Days staff writer from 2009-2011.

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