Dear Reverend,
My partner wants to fist me, but I’ve never done it before. I’m not super into the idea, but I’m willing to try almost anything at least once. I’m mostly afraid that it will hurt and I might get injured. Got any tips?
Handball Hannah (woman, 24)
Dear Handball Hannah,
The term “fisting” just plain sounds intimidating. It conjures up the image of getting punched in the vagina, or whatever orifice you’re working with, so it’s no wonder you’re apprehensive. The act would be more aptly named “handing,” because it’s more of a slow process of getting a whole hand inside of you.
There’s plenty of information for first-time fisters online, but I do have a few pearls of wisdom. It’s very important that your partner have clean hands and nails that aren’t too long or jagged. It may seem obvious, but they should remove jewelry — you don’t want to lose any rings or bracelets in there. A glove can be worn as added hygienic protection and might make entry easier. You should also have more lube on hand (pun intended) than you think may be necessary.
The fistee needs to be relaxed and aroused, so foreplay is foremost. Once you’re warmed up, your partner can start with two fingers and work their way up to inserting all five — held straight and together in a beak formation — eventually making their way up past the knuckles and to the wrist. If that all goes well, once they’re inside, they can clench their hand into a fist or expand the fingers and experiment with different movements. They also shouldn’t forget to get their mouth or other hand in on the action.
It’s commendable that you’re willing to try something that tests your limits, but, as with any sexual activity, you shouldn’t feel pressured into it. If you decide to go for it, communication is key. If anything feels more than slightly uncomfortable, speak up, take a break and slide back into your comfort zone.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
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This article appears in Apr 5-11, 2023.