Dear Reverend,
I have a conundrum about sending condolences to a high school acquaintance. We didn’t know each other well but were in the same class for a few years, and I always respected him. I just found out through a friend that he lost his brother to suicide a couple of months ago. I saw on Instagram that he made a post about his brother, too, which I only just saw, as I hadn’t been on in a while. Would it be strange if I sent him a DM with my sympathies?
Connie Dolenz (woman, 22)
Dear Connie Dolenz,
Sending your sympathies to a person who has lost a loved one is never strange. It doesn’t matter how well you know (or knew) the deceased or their survivors, and there’s no time limit. Simple words of support can be a great comfort to someone who is grieving.
When my husband passed away seven years ago, I got messages from all sorts of people — good friends and total strangers alike. One that stood out came from a woman I worked with back in the ’90s. We were pals but not supertight. We didn’t keep in touch after the job, but we were friends on Facebook. She reached out to tell me that she had a dream in which my husband — whom she had never met — told her that he was OK.
She could have easily kept it to herself, thinking that was a weird thing to tell someone she hadn’t spoken to in a couple of decades. But I’m really glad she didn’t, because it’s a message I won’t ever forget.
So yes, you should absolutely send your old acquaintance a DM. You can keep it short and sweet or long and loose — just say it from the heart. It may mean more than you’ll ever know.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in The Reading Issue 2025.