Dear Reverend,
My sister recently got engaged and asked me to be in the wedding. I love her, and of course I said yes, but I’m worried about what she’s going to want me to wear. She’s a real girlie-girl, but I’m nonbinary and haven’t worn a dress since I was a kid. It’s her day, and I want her to be happy, so how do I handle this situation without causing any problems?
Bree Dahl, (nonbinary, 28)
Dear Bree Dahl,
I’m assuming that your sister knows you well enough to have already been thinking about this. I doubt she’s going to ask you to wear a chartreuse chiffon gown with a hoop skirt. Luckily, those sorts of god-awful bridal party dresses are mostly a thing of the past anyway.
You should broach the subject of attire sooner rather than later and get in on the ground floor of planning. Many modern brides set a color palette and let their attendants choose their own outfits, so raise that as an idea. It’s a great way to make sure everyone feels their best and can find something that fits their budget — that they might even wear more than once!
I’d suggest going into the conversation with some specific examples of what you would be comfortable wearing. If you aren’t all that sure about formal wear, hop online and search something like “nonbinary wedding party attire.” There are so many ways to be dressy other than wearing a dress.
You should also consider what you’ll do if your sister is hell-bent on having everyone in her party wear a dress. Would that be a deal-breaker? Would you be willing to compromise and wear it for the ceremony and some photos, then change into something else for the reception?
Hopefully, it won’t be an issue. The wedding may be your sister’s big day, but she’s asked you to be part of it. She should want you to be happy, too.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in The Wellness Issue • 2026.