Dear Reverend,
I’ve been working toward my dream of homeownership for a very long time, and I hope to make it a reality sooner rather than later. My partner and I have been together for almost a year and a half, but we moved in with each other fairly early on in our relationship due to apartment circumstances. When the subject of me buying a house comes up, he talks about “us” buying a house. I do love him, and everything has been great so far, but purchasing a home together is a big step. If I find a house that I can afford soon, I intend to buy it on my own, and he can live with me. I just don’t know how to talk to him about this without possibly wrecking the good thing we have going.
E. Quity (woman, 36)
Dear E. Quity,
It’s a very wise decision not to enter into a 30-year mortgage with someone you’ve only been with for 18 months. You probably should have nipped in the bud his use of the word “us” the first time it came up, but that’s hard to do in the moment.
If you are truly ready to pounce on a house tomorrow, you need to have a serious conversation with your partner today. Buying a home is a huge financial and legal endeavor. Let him know that it has been a goal you’ve been working toward since long before you met him and that you intend on being the sole owner. You can frame it as a personal milestone that is no reflection on the relationship.
He should understand that combining finances in such a big way at this stage of your relationship is a risky undertaking for you both. You can allay any weirdness he may feel by focusing on the future. Talk about how excited you are to live together in the new home and how it could be a stepping stone to buying something together down the road. If you include him in your plans, he won’t feel left out.
Speaking of the future, if you really feel like you have one with this fella, have you considered putting the homebuying goal on the back burner just a little longer? I would never suggest that you defer your dream, but if your gut says you may be ready to take that big step together in six months or a year, it could be worth waiting.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in Performing Arts Preview • 2026.
