Dear Reverend,
One of my friends (let’s call them A) has done and said some things that really offended another friend (let’s call them B). Now B doesn’t ever want to be around A, but A doesn’t know why and just thinks that B is being a jerk. They each talk to me about the other, and I understand that both sides have valid reasons for being upset. I feel stuck in the middle and don’t know what to do. I just want everyone to be friends again.
Celia Charybdis (woman, 25)
Dear Celia Charybdis,
There are two ways you can approach this situation. The first: Don’t get involved. Your friends are adults, and, while it’s no fun when pals aren’t getting along, it’s not your responsibility to mend the rift between them.
If you go that route, it’s very important that you don’t take sides. Set boundaries and let them each know that you don’t want to discuss the other. Tell them that being stuck in the middle is stressing you out and you want to be Switzerland and remain neutral. After that, if one starts talking about the other, shut ’em down.
The second option is to jump right into the fray. This means you’d have to play the role of mediator, which isn’t easy but could be well worth the effort.
Talk to them separately and ask if they would be willing to have a sit-down to hash out their issues. If they agree, choose someplace neutral, not anybody’s home. If you’re at a public place, hopefully everyone will remain cool and collected.
You get to be the referee and run the conversation. Let A speak their piece and keep B from interrupting, and vice versa. Rinse and repeat as needed.
If you give that a shot and they work out their problem, fantastic. If it doesn’t help, at least A and B will C that you are a D-cidedly good friend for trying.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in Sep 11-17, 2024.
