Dear Reverend,
With mild weather bringing open windows and backyard time, I’m unfortunately getting to hear very loud arguments between my married neighbors and sometimes what sounds like smacking noises. This happens while I’m out weeding the garden and has also woken me up in the middle of the night. I’m worried about what’s going on over there, especially with young children in their house. It’s traumatizing for me, but I’m not sure what I should be doing about this disturbing warm-weather reveal.
In the Weeds (woman, 53)
Dear In the Weeds,
When I was growing up in the ’70s and ’80s, it wasn’t unusual to hear people in my neighborhood being loud in the summer. They could have been having a good time or yelling at their kids or dog, but everybody knew each other and knew that everyone was OK.
These days, it’s less likely that people know their neighbors, so I’m going to assume that’s the case here. Even if you are acquainted, approaching them about the situation might feel like an overstep. Whether you know them or not, confronting them in the heat of the moment is not wise because you could put yourself in harm’s way.
Some people think it’s a bad idea to get police involved in just about any situation, but if you believe someone is in danger, that’s what you should do. If you’re truly concerned about the safety of anyone in the house, don’t ponder taking action any longer. The next time it happens, call the police. If you’re worried about the neighbors knowing it was you who made the call, tell the police that you want to remain anonymous.
Better yet, you could do something before the next incident happens by reaching out for advice from a local support agency such as Chittenden County’s Steps to End Domestic Violence (stepsvt.org or the 24-7 hotline at 802-658-1996). Its responders can guide you on how best to approach the endangered neighbor and connect them with safety planning and support.
You’re in a very uncomfortable situation, and I can understand being hesitant to get involved. But just imagine how you would feel if you did nothing and something really bad happened. Sometimes being a good neighbor means not minding your own business.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in The Food Issue 2025.