A Waitsfield Author Chronicles Her Decade-Long Nightmare of Escaping a Stalker

On November 4, 2011, Anna Nasset stood in the display window of her art gallery, in the quaint seaside city of Port Townsend, Wash., when she noticed a man outside watching her. Moments later, he knocked on the door, handed Nasset a small package and asked if she’d consider displaying some of his artwork.

As a gallery owner, Nasset frequently received such requests. She accepted the gift, politely thanked him and then, sensing what she described as a “stranger-danger” vibe, quickly shut the door behind her. Though she didn’t know it at the time, Nasset had already become the object of this man’s irrational obsession.

Her five-minute encounter with “Jeffrey” — Nasset’s pseudonym for the man who, by that point, already had a documented history of mental illness and threatening behavior — would permanently alter her life’s trajectory. Eventually, he would steal from Nasset not just her home, community and livelihood but also her health, safety and peace of mind.

Nasset, now 43, is the author of Now I Speak: From Stalked to Standing Up, a new memoir that chronicles her decade-long effort to escape a man whose attention she neither invited nor wanted. Many of Nasset’s friends, family and coworkers, as well as the local courts and law enforcement, knew of Jeffrey’s unwanted behavior. But it wasn’t until Nasset fled cross-country to Vermont, then helped prosecutors back in Washington secure a 10-year prison sentence for him — among the longest ever handed down for a felony stalking conviction — that Nasset began reclaiming her life.

Today, Nasset works full time as a public speaker, trainer and advocate for stalking awareness, including hosting a podcast called “The Mend,” which is sponsored by the Vermont Center for Crime Victim Services. In January 2019, she stood beside Gov. Phil Scott as he signed a proclamation recognizing National Stalking Awareness Month.

Despite all that Jeffrey took from her, Nasset is still a vivacious woman with signature oversize glasses and a joyously infectious cackle. She spoke to Seven Days from her home in the Mad River Valley. She lives with her three-legged Chihuahua, Dolly Parton, in a small house with six points of egress, which she described as “a survivor’s dream.”

Your book is about more than just stalking but also its connection to sexual violence.

When I speak on the subject of stalking, everyone thinks that my life just started on November 4, 2011. In fact, like many people, I’ve experienced a lifetime of gender-based violence. If I just started my story in 2011 and didn’t share any of that back history, it would be a disservice to my readers. There’s nothing really unique or special about my story. I’m living the experience that millions of people live. What’s significant about mine is the outcome and my ability to share it.

What are common myths and misconceptions about stalking?

The media often portray stalking as a story like mine, where it’s a stranger who’s lurking in the shadows. But what we know is, stalking generally happens from somebody you know: a former or current intimate partner, an acquaintance, a work colleague, whoever it might be.

And we have to look at stalking as a psychological crime. So, if we’re coming in and making a report to an advocate or law enforcement, or friends and family members, all too often we’re dismissed because we don’t know how to give words to this psychological crime. There’s a lot of dismissiveness in that adage “It’s not that bad. He didn’t physically touch you.” I hear that all the time.

How common a crime is it?

One in three women and one in six men will experience stalking at some point in their lifetime. And we have to continually mention that this happens to all genders. I often wonder: If anything had been different about me — if I weren’t white, if I weren’t female, if I didn’t live in a rural community, if I didn’t own a popular business, if I had dated him, if I were homeless, if we were the same gender — would I have gotten the result I got?

Yet it still took you eight years to get justice.

Yes, and I got this exceptional sentence. But I don’t want to be the exception. I want to be the standard. Being the unluckiest “lucky” person — what am I going to do with that? Just sitting here in my little apartment at the end of a dirt road outside of Waitsfield seemed like a disservice to the millions of people who are stalked every year.

You kept quiet about your stalker’s behavior for a long time. Why?

If you were to go back to 2011 and look up stalking awareness and prevention, there was very little out there at the time. And when there’s not a lot of information out there, the community doesn’t understand it. So when I did tell people and was met with responses such as “It’s not that big a deal” or “At least somebody likes you” or “He’s harmless. Just get on with your life,” that really led me to be quiet.

Also, because it was affecting my business so much, I didn’t want it to seem like an excuse or a cop-out. I look back and I regret how I handled it, but it’s how I handled it. If I could do it differently, I would have. That’s why I’m very vocal now — so vocal that I started a business about it.

Did the fact that your stalker is schizophrenic complicate your case?

Yes. Most stalkers do not have a mental health diagnosis. Jeffrey happens to have one, and that does complicate things. Most people with schizophrenia live beautiful, healthy lives. His manifested in a specific way that it made it a lot scarier. It also made it very complex to prosecute. A lot of times he wanted to defend himself in court and go through all those competency hearings on his own. At the same time, all I ever really wanted was for him to get the help he needed so that he could live a life that was functional.

What advice do you have for people who are experiencing stalking?

So often I get emails from people who are like, “I had a customer who kept coming in and they were making me really uncomfortable, and I told my boss and they did nothing. Now it’s escalated, and they’re following me.” It really comes down to this: If someone you know is being stalked, start by believing. As my dear friend Sue Russell, [a victim of sexual assault and kidnapping] who moved to New Zealand [after her offender served a 21-year sentence], said, “The more who know, the safer you are.”

If you’re the one being stalked, go to the advocacy center in your area, get an advocate and educate yourself, because our domestic and sexual violence centers also deal with stalking. Should that be your burden? Absolutely not! But they can be effective in getting you help. Most stalkings that lead to homicide come out of a former intimate partner situation. And in 78 percent of the cases where women were murdered by a former or current intimate partner, there was stalking in the year prior. So if we take this crime seriously, we’re going to save lives. It’s that simple.

You write, “In a crime like stalking, is there ever a right choice: Call police or no? Block on social media?” Did you ever answer that question for yourself?

It’s like a choose-your-own-adventure book. What if I’d blocked him? Would he have stopped? What if I hadn’t blocked? Would he have stopped or come to my house and harmed me? You never know. And so, when it comes to making decisions like that, you really have to trust your gut. Maybe they’re all wrong answers — or all right answers. I can look back and say I made the right choices for myself. Or I can say, “What if I turned left instead of right?” But I try not to dwell on that.

Did you ever second-guess how much personal information to include in the book, not just your past traumas but also how they affected you physiologically?

Mm-hmm. [Laughs.] One of my editors said, “You talk about shitting a lot.” And I’m like, “And…?” When I have conversations with other survivors, we get into all that and we don’t hold back. This is something we’re all experiencing yet we’re all hiding. In order to understand the different forms of gender-based violence, it’s important to talk about these things. Is it embarrassing? Of course it is! But I have no regrets. I think it’s important to tell the whole story.

Do you feel like you’re on borrowed time, knowing that Jeffrey will eventually get released?

Of course! I have my own backup plans for what I may need to do. It’s an unknown variable, because it’s not like this is going to end. But right now, I would say, to the best of my abilities I try to enjoy each day, because it’s my decade of freedom.

This interview was edited and condensed for clarity and length.

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This article appears in Aug 23-29, 2023.

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