Dear Reverend,
I was in a serious relationship in my twenties that ended very badly because I was a total jerk. I cheated multiple times and was just a horrible person. Thankfully, I have changed a lot and am now happily married. My ex moved away after we broke up, and I haven’t seen or talked to him since. I would like to apologize to him, but I’m not sure how to do it or if I even should. Help!
Rhea Morseful (woman, 36)
Dear Rhea Morseful,
The first thing you need to do is figure out why you have the urge to apologize after all these years. Do you truly regret how you treated this guy? Or are you looking to make yourself feel better about your past bad behavior?
The breakup happened so long ago that he has most likely moved on to a happy life, just as you have. Contacting him out of the blue to bring up the past may only open old wounds. If it’s worth it to you to take that chance, I do believe it’s never too late to make amends.
If you decide to contact him, I’d suggest you do it in writing — a message via social media or sent through the good ol’ post office — and keep it short, sweet and simple. Acknowledge that the apology is long overdue, let him know that you sincerely regret the pain your actions caused him, and wish him well. Top that off by saying you don’t expect a response, and you’re done.
Here’s another idea: Get a pen and paper and write down everything you want to express about that messy time in your life. Don’t hold anything back, because nobody’s going to read it but you. When you’ve gotten it all out, set that paper on fire. (Be sure to have a fire-safe container to put it in, of course.)
As the paper burns, focus on letting go of any negative memories and emotions. Be thankful that going through those bad times got you to where you are now. It may sound silly, but sometimes the person you really need to apologize to is yourself.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in March 4 • 2026.