Dear Reverend,
My boyfriend is very sweet and cute and always in a fantastic mood. This doesn’t sound like it should be a problem, but I’m naturally introspective and can be a bit cynical and morbid — like, I wake up wondering what would happen if dogs had thumbs and everyone’s bones became liquid. Also, the state of the world seriously gets me down and seems not to affect him much, if at all. Should I be aspiring to get on his happy-go-lucky wavelength and tune out the weird imaginings and awful news? How can we reconcile these fundamental differences in outlook and continue building and growing together? Is it hopeless?
Odd Couple (woman, 42)
Dear Odd Couple,
Hopeless? I don’t think so. As long as the two of you love, accept and respect each other, your differences may actually contribute to the strength of your relationship.
Plenty of successful couples seem mismatched but make it work. A famous example is James Carville, a Democratic strategist, and Mary Matalin, a Republican consultant. They seem diametrically opposed on the political spectrum but have been married for more than 30 years. Apparently, they don’t discuss politics at home.
Trying to change your personality to match a romantic partner’s is a fool’s goal. It never really works and usually leads to resentment. Embracing your differences and having open communication with each other is the best way to learn and grow. You need to be able to tell him when his rose-colored glasses are getting on your nerves, just as he should let you know if your cynicism is bumming him out. No judgment, just honesty.
As far as the state of the world getting you down, it may behoove you to tune in to his frequency once in a while. Turn off the news and go have a dinner date where you discuss the joys of dogs with thumbs.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in March 11 • 2026.